Page 42 of Without a Doubt

My question hangs in the air between us. Every second he doesn't answer, invisible ropes tighten around my heart in distress.

“What I felt toward Kelly used to be so straightforward. The more time we spend apart, the more time I spend with you, the more confused I am. There's so much wrapped up in her and what we were. I don't want to hide anything from you, even a catching up kind of phone call. The only thing I know with certainty is that I want you.”

He watches me for a long time as I sort out my thoughts. I've learned a little more about Emerson tonight. Most importantly, I've learned where he stands. At least, he appears to be standing on the side where Kelly is his past. What's a phone call or two to catch up? He's not running back to her, which calms my nerves. I'm not completely satisfied though.

“What did she say when you told her you were seeing me?”

“'Oh.' That's all. I think she was really surprised. She didn't ask anything else and I didn't offer to share.”

“What if she's calling because she wants you back?”

“She didn't say she did,” he points out.

“Would you had she told you she was seeing someone? If the situation was reversed?” His mouth opens, but I get one more question out. “I want to know what will happen if she calls again and says she wants to get back together. Are we pointless because you two getting back together is inevitable?” There. I asked the only question that truly matters.

Emerson doesn't say anything right away. He takes his time as he gather

s his thoughts. “We aren't pointless, Eva. She could call back right now, tell me she wanted to get back together, and I would tell her I'm sorry, but I can't. Do I want to talk to her and maybe figure out what she was thinking in the first place? Yeah. Do I want to let you go? No, I do not.” His words seem so final and sure.

“Okay,” I finally say. “Thank you for telling me, Emerson.”

His eyes widen with shock. “Okay? That's it?”

“Yes, that's it. Plus, it's late. If I want to talk about anything else, I'll bring it up again. Can we go back to bed now?”

Emerson seems disbelieving. “You don't want to walk away?”

Then, as his fingers tighten on my hips, his jaw locks, and with his eyes focused on me, I see his fear. My heart does funny things as I realize he's truly afraid to lose me. Slowly, I shake my head. A puff of air leaves his chest in relief. He cups my face, bringing it to his so he can kiss me. It's not a hot, desire-filled kiss like he gave me earlier. It's not a simple, sweet kiss either. With every brush of his lips, he's emitting his gratefulness and his happiness.

Breaking the kiss, I say, “Let's go to bed. One of us needs the beauty sleep, remember?”

Emerson laughs and carries me back to bed. His situation with Kelly is complicated at best. Emerson says he wants to be with me. I want to believe him wholeheartedly, but their history scares me. For now, all I can do is trust Emerson, trust in what we have and may have down the road. And I do.

He covers us up with our individual comforters, but pulls me against him. I smile. Emerson doesn't want me out of reach.

“Morning, sunshine,” Emerson whispers in my ear.

“You're still not funny,” I mumble, wiggling closer to him.

“What do you mean?” He sounds so innocent.

“Calling me sunshine when I'm anything but that in the morning.”

He kisses my temple with a chuckle. “It's all in the perspective, and in mine, you're sunshine in the morning.”

I melt against him like ice cream on a summer day. “Well, I can't argue with that.” Everything that happened last night slams into me all over again. I've never thought of myself as insecure, but then again, I've never really been put in a position like this. I push those thoughts away and lean back, blinking sleepily at Emerson. “Do I look like I got enough beauty sleep? Say no so I can go back to sleep.”

He squints his eyes as he inspects me. “I don't think you got enough,” he says seriously.

“What? You can't really tell me that!”

Emerson laughs. “I see it's too early for jokes still.”

I narrow my eyes. “The funny adjective is mine, remember?”

“I remember. Take advantage of me being comfy for a few more minutes, then we have to get up.” He tugs me back against him and holds me until my grouchiness is gone.

Our morning is like any other I've stayed over. We have breakfast, we get ready for the day, and then we go our separate ways to school. Catherine and I have a class together, so I meet up with her outside our classroom a little earlier than usual.

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