Page 40 of Light in the Dark (Heaven and Hell Duet 2)

What the hell just happened?

All I wanted to do was express this fear of mine. A fear I’m pretty sure is irrational, but sometimes with my anxiety, it’s hard to tell what’s irrational and what isn’t. How can he simply get so angry and leave? We didn’t even talk about it; I got yelled out and he left. That’s not what I wanted.

What do I do now? Stay? Leave? Go to my apartment? Head over to his parents’ house? Freak out? That sounds like the most likely scenario.

My stomach churns while I get ready for bed, deciding to stay put. But standing at the edge of FC’s bed is as far as I get. It doesn’t feel right to get in without him here. To sleep in his bed when he’s so angry at me. Instead, I grab a pillow and settle on the couch. Hopefully, he’ll return tonight and we can get this fixed.

Or maybe I permanently broke us?

I toss and turn all night, becoming more and more worried when FC doesn’t return to his apartment. I watch TV. I read. I close my eyes and count sheep, but it’s not until five in the morning when I finally doze off. Some time later, my rolling around lands me on the floor. I’m so frustrated and tired, I simply fix my pillow and stay put. What’s the point?

At some point, I hear sshing and feel myself being lifted, which startles me awake.

“Moving you to my bed is all,” FC tells me. “Where you should’ve been anyway.”

“Didn’t feel right,” I mumble back as he lays me down.

He studies me for a moment. A long moment that feels like it might turn into something big and maybe even life-changing. But then he says, “Go back to sleep, love,” and turns, walking out of th

e bedroom, closing the door behind him.

At least he called me love. That’s a good sign, right?

I sleep for a little while longer, but awake to the sound of FC pushing his dresser away from the wall, Sawyer standing about a foot behind him. “What are you doing?” I ask. But then he stands upright again and there’s a dull silver flask in his hand. I gasp as I jump out of bed and run over to him. “How long has that been there?” I snatch the flask from his grasp, feeling the weight of the liquor and his demise inside. “Have you been drinking all this time?”

The hurt that immediately passes over FC’s face causes me to regret my question. His shoulders sag in defeat. “Open it,” he orders quietly, the anger now gone from his tone. I do as he said. “Drink it.”

My eyes widen. “I can’t!” Everyone knows that alcohol and medication don’t mix.

He snatches it back and takes a swig.

“FC! Why would you do that? Are you crazy?” I yell. He can’t. Why? Oh my god. FC picks up Sawyer who reaches for it. This can’t be happening. FC lets Sawyer take a sip. “What are you doing?” I screech as I yank the flask away from both of their hands. This doesn’t make sense. Why would FC do that to Sawyer?

He wouldn’t.

FC is calm as ever as he stares me down. Sawyer looks confused and pouts now that his drink is gone. I don’t understand. I lift the container and sniff. Nothing. FC raises an eyebrow, daring me to drink it. With a deep breath, I take a tiny sip. “What the fuck?” I blurt out. “It’s water!” Relief floods my veins, but also some fury.

“Yeah, it is,” FC confirms. “Do you really think I’d let Sawyer drink tequila?”

“No, but why are you hiding water in a flask?”

“Because when the urge is really bad, I find my flask and drink from it. My eyes see a flask and my brain think it’s getting tequila. The disappointment of water gives me a moment to reorient myself. Hell, at the very least, I can hold it and pretend there really is tequila in there. But there isn’t. I won’t fail Sawyer or you again.”

He kisses Sawyer’s head and then pulls something out of his pocket, causing me to notice he’s dressed in jeans and a T-shirt now. My breath catches in my throat when I see a wedding band. “It’s Nana’s. I went to see her this morning and she gave it to me.” FC’s tone hardens as he drops to one knee. “Don’t look at me like I can’t propose right now.”

“We haven’t even reached a stable point yet, FC.”

“Exactly,” he confirms with a nod. Sawyer sits on his knee, watching this disaster unfold in front of him. “This is the perfect time. Idaline, our life isn’t a fucking fairytale. It never has been and it probably won’t ever be. We struggle and we work damn hard to make this work, to survive the hand life dealt us. The only reason we’ve made it this far is because we have one another helping support us and hold us up. This,” he holds the ring higher, “doesn’t mean we have to get married any time soon.

“It’s a promise. A promise that we’re in this until our hair grays. I’ll commit to you on the worst day of my life, on the lowest day of our relationship, because I fucking love you and I don’t want to walk through this life without you. I don’t need sunshine and glittery unicorn shit to want to be with you or be convinced that we work together.

“And neither do you,” he adds quietly, his gaze as fierce as ever. “Your anxiety won’t win this battle, Idaline. And if you still aren’t convinced, let me tell you about a dream I had once that still haunts me whenever I wonder if there’s still a possibility that we might not stay together forever. I was still with Lila and it was soon after I found out she was pregnant, I believe. I was with her, holding her hand, and on the other side of the room was you and next to you was your soul.

“My soul left me behind to be with yours. The dread, hollowness, and overwhelming emptiness I felt still makes me sick to my stomach. We are meant to be, Idaline. You know that as good as I do. Don’t you?” he asks, his voice hitching a little with worry. The ring still held high in the air.

With a steadiness I’ve never had before, I extend my left hand. FC’s grin nearly blinds me with the happiness shining from it. He slides the ring onto my finger before standing to kiss me. It’s almost like our first kiss. Knee-weakening, heart-pounding, immediately horny, falling head over heels, can’t get him close enough kind of kiss.

“DaDa!” Sawyer shouts, hitting my leg for attention while adding on a few more words I can’t quite make out.

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