He only laughs at me, wraps an arm around my shoulders, and leads me to the car. “Let’s go home for some make-up sex.”
That causes me to laugh. He’s already forgiven. It’s no surprise either. FC can be forgiven for practically anything.
“FC, relax,” Idaline says in her most soothing tone. Her hand runs up and down my thigh as I drive us ever closer to Grandpa McAllister’s house. “I don’t think we forgot anything and if we did, there are stores everywhere. Sawyer’s first trip away from home will be great. Don’t worry.”
I huff, only slightly annoyed. “Says the girl with an anxiety disorder. This whole trip is stressing me the fuck out.” My eyes flick to the mirror so I can check on Sawyer in the backseat for only the billionth time. “Is his house even baby-proofed?”
Idaline squeezes my leg until I look at her. “Stop.”
Just one word, but said in such a manner that I do my best to take a calming breath. “I’m worried about him,” I admit. “What if he doesn’t adjust well?”
She chuckles at me, which pisses me off a little. “It’s only for the weekend, FC. As long as you’re there and calm,” she gives me a pointed look, “he’ll be fine. We’re getting away from home and Lila for the weekend. There’s nothing to stress about.”
Except the meeting the rest of her family part, but compared to everything else in life I’ve faced, is that really something to worry myself over? As that thought hits me, it does almost seem silly to be as concerned as I am over this weekend away with Sawyer. At least he’s with me this time. He wasn’t on our last visit down.
Twenty minutes later, we arrive at Grandpa McAllister’s house. He’s sitting in a rocking chair on his front porch and stands as we pull into his driveway. Idaline and I both get out. I focus on getting Sawyer out of his carseat. He rubs his eyes and whines. He’s as ready to get out of the car as I am and he’s more than likely ready for a diaper change.
“It’s good to see you again, FC.”
I turn to see Idaline and her grandpa standing nearby, arm in arm, with smiles on their faces. I briefly wonder if he’s telling the truth. “It’s good to see you too. This is my son, Sawyer.”
“Hey, Sawyer,” he says in a soft, tender voice. “You can call me Grandpa.” He glances at me. “That okay with you?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” I love that he’s so easily accepting Sawyer. I feel accepted by association.
“Let’s get y’all’s things carried inside.”
We do that, Sawyer gets a diaper change, and he hides his face in my neck as we sit on the couch. We left after both of us got off work, so it’s a bit late. Definitely after Sawyer’s bedtime. I rock him a little in my arms, but he’s slightly interested in our new environment, too. He keeps peeking out to catch a glance at Grandpa McAllister and the room we’re in.
“Your parents and I got Kelsey’s old crib and brought it over for Sawyer,” Grandpa McAllister tells Idaline. Kelsey is Idaline’s niece, I think. “I’ll keep it here for whenever y’all visit until he’s old enough to sleep by himself out of it.”
“Thank you, Grandpa.” Idaline glances at me. “FC has been concerned about this trip since it’s Sawyer’s first big one away from home.”
His eyes slide over to mine. “We’ll make him comfortable and make sure he’s taken care of. And we’ll love him like he’s family.”
I smile and relax, as if those are the magic words I needed to hear for some reason. “Thank you.”
Idaline and her grandpa talk about how the trip was down here while I rock Sawyer to sleep, not quite ready to lay him down yet. Being here, away from home and where Lila currently stalks us both, my muscles relax and I begin to feel like my old self again. How easy it is to forget how nice it feels not to be tense and on guard all the time.
This feeling right here? This is exactly how I envisioned life with Idaline. It’s peaceful. That’s all I’ve been wishing for since leaving Lila. All I want is some peace.
“FC,” Idaline says softly.
I open my eyes, my first clue that I fell asleep. The others are that only one lamp remains on, Idaline is in her pajamas, and her grandpa is nowhere in sight.
“Let’s go to bed.”
She should’ve let me be. Exhaustion weighs me down like two tons of chains attached to my feet and also hanging down my back. After laying Sawyer down in the crib, I don’t bother with any bedtime preparations. I shed my clothes except for my underwear and climb face first into bed next to Idaline.
When I wake up in the morning, it’s to Sawyer crawling onto my chest to cuddle with me. Confusion stuns me for a moment as I take him in. He’s wearing only a diaper and it’s clearly morning. He always wakes up at least once during the night. And I didn’t undress him when I laid him down. I rub his back and glance at Idaline who sits on the bed, watching us.
“How did he get
like this?” my voice rumbles.
Her cheeks redden a bit. “He was sweating a little when he woke up around four this morning, so I left him naked after I changed his diaper. You were so dead asleep, you didn’t budge when he was whining. He woke up a few minutes ago and wanted you.”
“Thank you for taking care of him for me.” I reach out and squeeze her hand.