Page 16 of Light in the Dark (Heaven and Hell Duet 2)

“There’s not a changing table in the men’s room. Do you mind taking him into the women’s bathroom and changing him for me?”

Her eyes widen to the size of saucers. “I’ve never…” Her voice trails off as she shakes her head.

“It’s not hard and he behaves.”

She swallows hard, but stands. The moment she holds her hands out, Sawyer reaches for her too and goes to her. I slip the diaper bag onto her shoulder. Her eyes are full of worry, but I know she’s got this. It’s so easy. We walk to the bathroom together, as I plan to stand outside, just in case she needs me.

Idaline slips into the bathroom. It seems like she’s only in there for a minute before I hear, “FC! Oh god!” I rush into the bathroom. “Everything okay?” I ask as I hear her gag.

“No. He shit.” She gags again and I can’t help it. I bust out laughing as I walk over to the changing table. Idaline glares at me. “I thought it would just be a wet diaper. I’m not prepared for this.” She walks as far away as she can with her hand over her nose. “Why haven’t you potty trained him yet?”

“He’s only one,” I remind her as I quickly change his diaper and then wash my hands. “I didn’t realize a little shit would make you react like that,” I say with a little laugh.

Idaline glares at me. “How did that even come out of him? Is it always like that?”

I shrug, not wanting to turn her off completely from diaper changes.

Idaline gets a little more involved in other ways, though. Back at the table, while we talk, we take turns feeding Sawyer. This is a more enjoyable ta

sk for her. My heart doesn’t know what to do watching the two of them.

“I love you.” Idaline glances up at me. “And I’m extremely lucky that you’ve decided to move here. That you’re with me.” I shake my head in wonder. “I don’t know why you are, but I’m glad nonetheless.”

Idaline frowns. “You don’t know why?”

It’s not until she asks that I even realize what I said. That I meant it. That I have invisible scars in addition to my physical ones from Lila. That her voice is in the back of my mind, reminding me what a worthless, no-good man I am. Did she affect me more than I thought? Why in the fuck would I worry about being with Idaline when I never have before?

“FC?” Idaline questions softly.

I shake my head to bring myself back to the present. “You’re with me because I’m so damn handsome.” For good measure, I smile and throw in a wink.

Thankfully, Sawyer steals our attention with some of his talk and his smile. It’s hard to believe we’re here on a date, even with Sawyer. There were many times when I thought this would never happen, yet it is. My heart wants to burst with happiness. It almost seems too good to be true.

“What else do you need to do to settle in?” I ask, causing her to sigh a little.

“Aside from finding a job and unpacking, I need to find a new therapist and psychiatrist.” Idaline frowns and almost looks as if she’ll be sick. “I don’t like the idea of this at all. I’m hoping I can convince Mrs. Judith to let me do video sessions with her instead of finding someone new. A psychiatrist, I’m okay with, but not her.”

“What if she can’t? Does she have any contacts up here to recommend?”

Idaline shrugs.

“I could always be your therapist,” I say in a completely serious voice, even though I’m teasing.

She laughs and crouches a little to be eye-level with Sawyer. “Your daddy is crazy, but he makes us laugh, so it’s okay.”

Our food arrives and Sawyer would climb out of his highchair if he wasn’t strapped in. My boy is hungry and everyone in the restaurant knows as he slaps the table and shouts, “Nom! Nom! Nom!” We can’t help but laugh, especially since I essentially taught him this behavior. Idaline surprises me when she takes a little spoonful of her mashed potatoes and feeds it to him. Sawyer sits back and hums in appreciation.

Idaline may be concerned about how we’ll sew our three lives together, but she has nothing to worry about. She effortlessly weaves her way in and probably doesn’t even realize it herself. She may think nothing of feeding Sawyer some food, but she should. It’s not something she has to do. But she did and she did it without asking. To me, that shows some level of comfort. It also shows how much she already cares about Sawyer to take the initiative.

“What do you see for your future?” she asks. “You stopped answering me before and now I know why. You can answer me this time.”

I want to answer, but I also worry that maybe I might scare her. At the same time, I want to lay it all on the line. To let her know how much I love her and how important she is to me and my future. If she knows exactly how involved I want her in my future, then that’ll at least give her a glimpse at how willing I am to fight for that future with her.

With a deep breath, I level a stare at her and say, “My future looks like me working at the shop with the Murphys, you working wherever makes you happy, us eventually living in the same home with Sawyer. You being a mother figure to him.” Idaline sheds a few tears at hearing me say so. “Maybe, if it’s okay with you, he’ll eventually call you mom and you can adopt him as your own if you wish. One day, we’ll buy a house because we’ll need more room for another baby. One day, you’ll walk down the aisle during the wedding of your dreams and we’ll recite vows. And at some point, far off in the future, we’ll be old and wrinkly, sitting on our front porch in a pair of rocking chairs, talking about all of the people that go by the house. That’s my future.”

Idaline wipes away some tears, but I notice her chest moving faster than it was before. “I love you.” Her eyes shut tightly. A steady stream of air leaves her mouth.

“You okay, love?” I ask as I feed a small bite of food to Sawyer.

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