Page 26 of Driving Me Mad (Sanity 1)

Trace’s head snaps up. “What?”

I point toward the window. “It’s snowing again.”

He laughs, a real laugh, and grins. “You’re blaming me for the weather?”

“Yes, is that okay?”

He nods. “I can deal with it.”

I finish my slice of pizza. “I think I’m going to head back before it gets any later.”

Trace reluctantly nods. I don’t know if I want him to let me go, or ask me to stay. How is it possible to want both? I grab my purse with Trace following behind me. At the door, he gives me a kiss that definitely makes me want to stay as he holds me extra tight against him. The moment ends like all good things do.

“Let me know when you get there, so I know you made it safely.”

After nodding in agreement, I begin walking down the walkway toward my car. Then, the worst, most embarrassing thing ever happens.

I slip and fall.

A whoosh of air leaves my lungs as I land with a thud. Damn, the ground is hard and cold. Trace’s head appears over mine.

“Are you okay?” He helps me sit up.

“Yeah, just got the air knocked out of me.” My back hurts, but it doesn’t feel too bad.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Get me out of the snow, Trace.”

He chuckles and helps me up. Trace walks me to my car, kisses me one more time, and then I leave. Later, after Rebecca laughs at me over falling, my back still aches a little, and I’m lying in bed, staring at the wall.

I should have stayed with him.

I wish I was sleeping.

I hope tomorrow will be better.

Why didn’t Trace talk to his ex-wife? Why doesn’t he talk to his dad about it? If he can’t talk to them, how can he talk to me?

What if we don’t last? What if he never tells me anything? What if his ex-wife reenters the picture somehow? What if Trace feels like I’m too much work? What if he changes his mind about us? What if I fail my classes? What if I don’t graduate on time? What am I going to do about spring break? Will Rebecca be upset if I don’t go anywhere with her?

God, I wish I could shut my mind up and fall asleep already.

I should have asked her to stay.

The one thought plagues me for hours as I lie in bed. I didn’t ask her because I kind of didn’t want her here. I wanted moments of peace, and I wasn’t sure if she could give that to me based on how the night had been going. Not to mention, she seemed eager to leave. I didn’t want her to feel obligated or guilty.

The moment her car was out of my driveway, I felt her loss and regretted not asking. She’s probably worried about us now. She keeps peeling back my layers and I’m not so sure she likes what she sees. Maybe that’s why she was in a rush to leave. Nothing seems to twist me up as much as the idea of losing Brittany.

What I need to do is stop thinking about the possibility and start focusing on keeping her happy.

What I really need to do is go to sleep.

I roll onto my stomach and hope I’m out like a light soon.

The week, and January, end without anything exciting happening. I only see Brittany one more time, though I talk to her a lot, because Rebecca has been pressuring her to hang out with her. Mostly because Brittany told her she was coming to my house for the weekend. I’m hoping we can make this weekend more fun and less mental health issues.

“Did you grab the drinks?” I call into the living room.

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