Page 34 of Driving Me Mad (Sanity 1)

nce.

I can’t think in complete sentences, and I just want to go back to bed. My day with Trace after he dropped his dad and Amy off at the airport was great. And then, this morning happened. I don’t think Trace got much sleep either, so I feel bad that he’s been up with me for four hours now.

Leaning back on my heels, I blink away the tears until I can see Trace. His dirty blond hair is a wild mess and his eyes look tired. All I want to do is collapse. As soon as I have the thought, I tumble into Trace. “I can’t do it. I’m tired of it being like this. I just want it to stop,” I cry.

“I know. Breathe with me, okay?”

“Breathing isn’t going to fix it! Nothing is going to fix it! It’s going to be like this forever.”

Trace cups my face and makes me look at him. “We had a good day yesterday, didn’t we? It’s not going to be forever, Britt. Bad days happen; we need to get through them.”

“It feels like forever.”

He wipes away my tears with his thumbs. “I know. Match my breathing.”

I rest my head on his shoulder and focus on the movements of his chest. The thought of going to school ruins any progress I make. Then I realize Trace has to go to work.

“You have to get ready for work,” I reluctantly mention.

“Are you ready for me to get up?”

Not at all. “It doesn’t matter.” He still has to go to work one way or another. Besides, if it’s not comfortable for me to sit on the floor of his bathroom, I doubt it’s any comfier for him.

“It matters to me,” he replies softly, stroking my back. I shake my head to answer his question. “Then I’m not going anywhere.”

We sit there for ten more minutes before I feel good enough to let Trace get up. He gets into the shower and I make my way back to his bed. I stare at the ceiling and my mind has finally shut up; it’s blissfully silent. This, I could get used to.

Some time later, Trace exits his bathroom fully dressed. He stands next to the bed. “What time is your first class?”

“Ten. Can I stay here until then?”

He eyes me for a moment before nodding. “I’ll leave the spare key on the kitchen table for you to lock up.”

“Thanks.”

Trace leans down to kiss me briefly. He looks worried, but I ignore it. He says goodbye and a moment later, he’s gone. I roll over, hugging his pillow to my chest. I think it’s a good day to call in the grinch.

I glance at the clock on my wall for the billionth time today. Brittany hasn’t been answering my texts, which is making me worry. I’ve never seen her as distraught as she was this morning. It’s hard to see her like that and know there’s not a whole lot I can do to help. The door to my office swings open, and I sit up straighter when I see who it is.

“Rebecca, hey.”

She closes the door behind her. “Do you know where Brittany is? She was supposed to meet me for lunch today, but she never showed and I can’t get hold of her.”

Damn. “I think I know where she is. She had a rough morning, so she probably never left my house. I’ll check on her once I get off work.” Unfortunately, that’s three hours from now. Rebecca seems happy with that, though. She asks me to tell Brittany to text her an update later. When my door closes, a heavy, tired sigh leaves me, taking all my energy with it. All I want to do is go home and lie in my recliner.

The minutes drag by at a torturous rate. I make a call to my psychiatrist to see about upping my dosage. Things aren’t getting any better, so maybe a little more medication will help me out. I finally leave work, stopping to pick up my medication and then dinner on my way home because I don’t feel like cooking. Sure enough, Brittany’s car is in the exact same spot as it was when I left this morning.

I place the bag of food on the kitchen table next to the unmoved spare key. I walk down the hallway and see Brittany, curled into a ball, hugging my pillow to her chest. Her eyes are closed, and I can’t help but wonder if her sleeping now is going to throw her off later. I reach over and shake her shoulder gently. Her eyes pop open and she rolls onto her back with a yawn.

“Decided to skip, I see,” I say, keeping my voice neutral.

“Only for today.”

“Well, it’s time to get out of bed. You need to text Rebecca. I brought home dinner, too.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Of course she isn’t. She probably hasn’t left my bed all day. All I do is nod. I toe out of my shoes and then leave the room. I actually don’t feel hungry myself at the moment, so I walk straight to my recliner. I turn on the TV to the news and take a deep breath. I want to be comforting to Brittany, but I also want to be in my chair. She needs to get out of bed anyway. Hopefully, she’ll make her way in here soon.

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