Page 34 of You Before Me

“Why?” My head tilts as I watch her fight herself over whatever it is.

“Because I changed my mind.”

“About?”

“If I wanted to tell you, I would have done that already,” she says exasperated.

“So you want me to take you home now?” C'mon, Ryan. Tell me what it was. She doesn't say anything right away, which I take as an opportunity. I swiftly pull her flush against me, causing her to inhale sharply with surprise. She keeps her arms crossed over her chest though. With my lips brushing against hers as I speak, I ask, “Sure you don't want to tell me? Ask me whatever it was?” My hands move to her lower back and down over her ass.

Ryan pushes me away, coming out of my hold. “Don't tease me if you aren't going to go through with it, Gabe. And we both know that won't happen.” She's hostile towards me all of a sudden, and I don't understand why. Because last time I said I wouldn't sleep with her until it was more than just sex? It does make me feel bad that I tried to seduce it out of her.

“What's going on, Ryan?” I hesitantly ask.

She shakes her head. “Just take me home.”

I would bet a thousand dollars that she's been thinking, and the girl thinks entirely too much. She's a rambler, verbally and mentally. Giving up, I hold my hands up in surrender.

“Let's go then.”

She brushes past me and is out the door by the time I turn around. What in the world has her mind got her thinking now? I lock the door and get into the car. Once we're back on the road, I see Ryan turn towards me from the corner of my eye.

“You know what? I'll tell you. Not because you asked, but because I'm not the kind of girl to get nervous over a guy,” she says it like it's the worst thing in the world. There is conviction and determination in her voice as she continues. “I refuse to behave any differently. I was going to ask you if you wanted to spend the night again, but I changed my mind. You are a good guy with a happy family, and that's awesome. I'm not that girl though. I want to have

sex on first dates, if I choose. I want to have as much fun as possible before I finish college and officially have to grow up and morph into a more suitable person for society. You're wasting your time, Gabe, and I don't want you to do that.

“And I realize that I sound like a guy with all the sex talk, and I realize I probably should have more respect,” she does air quotes, “for myself than to sleep with whoever I want. It's not about self-respect. It's about me being able to do anything a guy can do, even if that makes me a slut. Excuse me for liking sex. I mean, I haven't slept with anyone since you, and I'm not used to guys turning me down. That's part of my frustration. My point is that you're a nice, good guy, and it's not that I don't think I'm not good enough for somebody, because I am, but we're not a match. Even if you see more to me, I still don't understand it. Especially if we're not sleeping together. What's the point?”

Wow. Okay. I repeat what she said in my mind, trying to process everything because it was a lot. Without thinking, I ask, “Why are you so insecure about this?”

A glance at her shows me her wide eyes. I cringe when she responds, her voice too high for the inside of my car. “Insecure?! You think I'm insecure? I am not insecure. I am confident with who I am to myself. I like myself just fine, thank you very much. The problem is that everyone else doesn't like that person. Not enough to actually care anyway,” she finishes as I pull into the parking lot. As soon as I park, she gets out and storms to the stairs.

“You do realize that means you're insecure?” I say despite my gut instinct when I reach her as she unlocks her door.

Her back is rigid, and I've definitely hit a nerve. I've never seen Ryan so tense. She swings open the door, sees something inside, her shoulders dropping. “Oh, for fuck's sake. What are you doing here? How did you get inside?”

I peek around her shoulders to see an older woman with similar features.

“Your father and I pay for this place. Did you honestly think we wouldn't have a key? And watch your mouth, Ryan.” Her mother smiles upon seeing me and adds, “Who is this?”

“This is Gabe,” she says reluctantly. “Why are you here, Mom?” She repeats before anything can be said.

“Don't be rude, Ryan. Introduce me to your boyfriend.”

Ryan steps inside, angrily tossing her house keys onto the table. “He's not my boyfriend, Mom. I'm too un-ladylike for a boyfriend, remember?”

Her mother ignores her and walks over to me, shaking my hand. “I'm Mrs. Kavanaugh, Ryan's mother. It's nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you as well. I'll catch you later, Ryan?”

“Oh, no. Come on in.”

“No!” Ryan yells, swiveling to face us. “Don't subject him to whatever it is you're here for.”

“I insist,” Mrs. Kavanaugh says, tugging me inside. “I won't be here long.” Speaking to Ryan, she continues, “You weren't answering my phone calls, and I was nearby for business, so I figured I would come see you.”

I'm forced to sit on the couch as Ryan paces, upset. “What the hell do you want, Mom?”

“Ryan,” she chides calmly, sitting down in the chair. “Language. I don't know why you're so upset. You should control your emotions better, dear.” This is so awkward. “I'm here to check on your progress with choosing a major. I hope you've made a decision that we can be happy with.” Them? What do they have to do with Ryan's future career?

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