Mrs. Hansen’s smile was tinged with sadness. “Just be patient with him, honey. Jake’s been fighting all kinds of demons since his daddy left. Seeing him with you, though, gives me hope.”
Whatever she was thinking, Jake’s mom needed to know the truth. “Mrs. Hansen, Jake and I are just friends. He’s only doing me a favor.”
The older woman reached out and patted her cheek. “Oh honey, I know my boys, better than they know themselves. Trust me, this is more.”
Luke squirmed out of Rand’s arms, ran awkwardly to the couch and grabbed something soft and white. He came back to her, holding the stuffed animal out to her with pride. “Cooddles.”
Rand let herself be distracted by the adorable little cherub, trying not to dwell on Mrs. Hansen’s ideas or Jake’s hang ups.
Jake stood outside under the clear, dark sky and took several deep breaths of crisp air. Something about Rand holding Luke had struck a chord, something deep, primal, and terrifying. For a split second, he had imagined the child Rand held was his, and he had been excited. Happy.
He couldn’t think like that though. He knew the risks and right now, Rand and he were happy, but there were no guarantees. And he was afraid when it came down to it, he would turn tail and run, just like his dad.
Dustin had ditched them the minute he turned eighteen, but look at him now, playing daddy to a kid barely old enough to talk.
“So what’s crawled up your burr hole?”
Speak of the devil. Jake was in no mood to bare his soul to his brother though.
“Nothing man, I’m fine. Y’all can start witho
ut me.”
There were no retreating steps, so Jake knew Dustin was still hovering around behind him.
“I just needed some air, Dustin.” Jake knew he was being a Grade A prick, but why couldn’t he take a hint?
Still, Dustin was quiet. Finally, when Jake was about to lose his temper, Dustin spoke. “Look, Jake, I know you have beef with me for taking off after graduation, but I’m not dad. I am never gonna be dad. I just needed to see something besides Loco before I died, and I did. I wasn’t deserting you though.”
Jake took a deep breath. He couldn’t really blame Dustin for wanting something more. His brother had a right to live his own life. Hell, there had been times he wanted to take off and go somewhere, anywhere. What happened when that itch got too strong not to scratch?
Maybe that was partly why he had resented his brother for the last ten years or so. Dustin had gotten his chance to escape, and now he was back; he was a single dad trying to do what was best for his son. If he was put in his brother’s shoes, would he do the same?
He wasn’t sure.
“I’m afraid I’m like him. Like dad.” Jake hadn’t meant to say it out loud and when Dustin started laughing, Jake stiffened again. Dustin tried to put his hand on Jake’s shoulder and he shook him off. “I wasn’t joking.”
“I know. I’m sorry, it’s just the fact that you’d think you were anything like that piece of shit is absurd.” Dustin put enough pressure to make Jake face him before he continued, “Jake, you stayed and helped out mom when you could have gone off on your own. You are the most loyal, standup guy out there. You shouldn’t worry.”
“I don’t know…how can you be that kid’s dad? Doesn’t it terrify you?”
Dustin’s smile flashed in the dark. “All the time. But I’m all he’s got and he makes me a better man. Love makes even the worst situations bearable, Jake.”
Jake had no idea what to say to that, so he just kept quiet and followed Dustin inside for dinner. His gaze caught sight of Rand on the floor with Luke, her dark head bent next to the light blond curls. When she looked up at him, concern in her brown eyes, a flash of understanding shot through him as he mulled over his brother’s words. He had never felt that overwhelming kind of love, but he did understand wanting to take care of and protect another person. He understood being needed.
Walking over to her, he squatted down and gave her a soft kiss. He pulled back and saw Luke giving him the stink eye and he stuck his hand out. “Hey Luke, I’m your Uncle Jake. It’s nice to meet you bud.”
Curled up in Jake’s arms that night, Rand listened to the sound of his heart’s steady thump in her ear. Tonight had been wonderful really, despite her trepidation about the co/ed bridal shower Mrs. Hansen had all planned out. Dustin and Jake had been engrossed in their own conversation while Mrs. Hansen and Rand entertained Luke. She had fallen head over heels for the adorable toddler, and when he’d crawled up into her lap and proceeded to doze off, a warm glow had started in her stomach and worked it’s way out. Cuddling Luke against her, she had rocked and hummed a lullaby her mother used to sing to her, enjoying the way Luke melted against her. She had been loath to part with him, but when Dustin had offered to put him to bed, she had let go reluctantly, and turned to catch Jake watching her grimly.
When she’d asked Jake what was wrong, he’d just said “nothing” and she’d let it be. Something told her that if she pushed Jake on whatever was eating at him tonight he’d turn into an angry badger and she didn’t want to spoil the day. Especially when they walked through the door and Jake kissed her so softly, removing her clothes slowly as they’d made their way to the bedroom, then proceeded to kiss every inch of her body until she was coming apart at the seams.
Whatever issues Jake had been holding onto, she would help him lay them to rest. Anything to live in this crazy, happy bubble she was currently floating on.
Chapter Fourteen
Friday night Rand stood in her kitchen, surrounded by all of the Calhoun sisters, several of their friends and Jamie, listening as they talked excitedly. When the phone rang at five after seven, she rushed to pick it up, escaping into her bedroom to answer.
“Save me,” she whispered.