Page 111 of Bad For Me (Rock Canyon, Idaho 5)

Sparklingly happy couple? Callie snorted.

I think the thing I liked best about these two was that separately they were quiet and withdrawn, each with an air of sadness that made you want to stop and hug them. But together, there was a spark. A connection that made them seem like two halves of the same whole. Call me a crazy romantic, but when these two were first linked, it was like a light bulb went off in my head, and I thought, “Oh yeah, that is brilliant.”

So, if you’re reading this, Callie and Everett, just remember: love can build a bridge, but someone’s gotta take the first step.

If only it were that simple.

“Okay, the shower is going, clean clothes are on the bed . . . Callie! Get up and let’s go! We don’t have any time to waste!”

“OKAY, HERE’S MY two cents,” Caroline said, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Oh, please, regale us with your wisdom.” Callie earned a glare for that. She had to admit, she felt better after the shower, but the hour-long story had been emotionally exhausting. She’d told them everything—from the night Tristan attacked her to the fight with Everett. A few details had been omitted; she loved these women, but they didn’t need to know everything.

“You spent seven years beating yourself up about what happened to your mom,” Caroline began, “and as long as you didn’t open those letters, you could pretend that Tristan was suffering and punishing himself the same way you were. But when you actually read the letters and realized he was just a self-absorbed little douche anyway, all that anger and self-loathing came bubbling to the surface, and you exploded with it.

“The thing is, a guy like Tristan is never going to understand your side. He thinks that because he doesn’t really remember, it doesn’t count, but it does—big time. You just need to get right with the fact that he will most likely never take responsibility, and you need to forgive yourself. Because the way you feel isn’t really about him; it’s about you. You wanted him punished and that didn’t work out, but if you dwell on him and his life, you’re never going to have your own.”

“And it sounds like Everett just wants you to be real with him,” Gracie said.

“So if you go to him and hold nothing back, just lay it all out on the line, he’ll forgive you,” Gemma said.

“I don’t know how.”

“Think about it, Callie. If Everett wants you to forgive and love yourself, what is going to help you get there?” Caroline asked.

“When I was deciding whether or not I wanted Travis and if I could trust him,” Gemma said, “I had to look at things from another perspective. I’d always thought that he didn’t love me enough to stay, but when I watched our wedding tape, I realized I hadn’t trusted his love because I didn?

??t think I was worthy of him. The fault was with how I viewed myself, not with him.”

Callie thought about Gemma’s words. Everett had said more than once that he loved her sweetness, that she was funny and accepting. But deep down, she didn’t see that in herself. She was constantly judging others, even her friends. Her eyes strayed to Gracie, whom she’d always held at a distance, calling her a drama queen in her head, but the truth was, when she’d needed help, Gracie had come through.

“And during my little . . . arrangement with Gabe, getting close to him scared the hell out of me. Being vulnerable is just not my thing, especially when it’s with a man. Us Willis girls put the d in ‘daddy issues.’ ”

“I hear ya,” Gemma said.

“My point is, we all have reasons to hate ourselves. You just have to take it one day at a time.”

Callie played with the lid of her cup, thinking about that. She’d learned the same thing in AA, although if she was honest, she hadn’t worked the program like she should’ve. She’d never discovered spirituality or meditation, and although she had plenty of faults, she’d never made amends.

But none of the wrongs she’d committed lately stemmed from her alcoholism. The alcoholism was a symptom of her anger, self-loathing, and fear.

She could rework the program to help her move on. If she just took that first step, she could take the next.

My name is Calliope Jane Jacobsen, and I couldn’t deal with the aftermath of my fiancé’s attack. It nearly took my life, and it did take my mother’s. Instead of seeking counseling, I drowned my guilt, pain, and fear in booze and pills. When I stopped using those, I started using people to make myself feel better, but the only person who can make me happy is me.

Callie rubbed the scar along the right side of her collarbone and knew what she had to do.

Chapter Twenty-Six

One Month Later

CALLIE WAS COMING back from Twin Falls, and she made a face at the snow flurries coming down. It was December 20 and after her counseling appointment that morning, she’d driven all over town, Christmas shopping. Luckily, Gracie’s boots had been on sale for two hundred dollars, and she’d split them four ways with Caroline, Gemma, and Mike. She’d found a gorgeous messenger bag for Gemma, and for Caroline, she’d picked up a couple of cookbooks and some jars of brownie mix. Plus, she planned to tape a Bath and Body Works gift card inside one of the cookbooks. The men in her life had been a little harder, but she’d managed to get Mike, Fred, and the guys from the station done. Dalton was getting a new western shirt and a pair of rodeo headphones she’d found online.

She’s been busy the last month; that was for sure. After starting her Twelve Steps over again, she’d pulled Dalton aside and apologized for the way she treated him at Justin and Val’s wedding. Bless his heart; he had been more than happy to forgive and forget. And she was especially happy that he was over his crush on her. He’d even started dating this pretty little dark-haired girl from one of his classes. Callie was a little surprised he hadn’t ended up with Jenny Andrews, who clearly adored him, but time would tell.

The last person on her list was Everett, even though she hadn’t seen or heard from him since that day in her driveway. Caroline never resisted a chance to tell her that she’d seen him and that he looked good, and Gemma was constantly telling her about all the book orders he’d placed, hinting that he probably wasn’t seeing anyone. But Gracie wasn’t as subtle.

“I asked him straight up if he was dating, and he told me to mind my own damn business.”

---