Page 48 of Ends of the Earth
“Yeah, it was. I never would have done that to you!” They hadn’t discussed any of it since the initial explosion of a breakup when Brad had confessed the affair and Ben had moved out of the house the same night. “We pretend to be friends at work like everything is just fine. It’s ridiculous! It’s not fine. What you did is not fine and it never will be.”
“I wish I could change it. I really do. But I’m not sorry we broke up.”
The unearthed hurt piled up, resentment choking Ben, closing his throat. “Good to know. Thanks.”
“Ben, it could never have—”
He exhaled sharply. “Let’s just get this done. What do you need to know?”
Sighing, Brad pulled out his phone and tapped at it. He stared at the screen for a long few moments before looking up, his face drawn and tired. “We weren’t happy together. We weren’t happy for a long time. It doesn’t excuse what I did. I know that. But shit, Ben. Don’t you want to be happy?”
He stared at that familiar face, one he knew almost as well as his own. The long brows over wide-set green eyes. Laugh lines that had been etched beside Brad’s mouth as long as Ben had known him. The little scar on his cheek from a piece of flying glass at a country bar in college when a fight broke out.
Brad swallowed thickly. “I don’t think we ever really fit right. But we sure loved each other. So we stayed together years longer than we should have. And I’m so sorry for how it ended, but I’m glad it did. You are too. Maybe you don’t want to admit it, but you are.”
Ben’s resolve started to crumble, the blaze of bitterness dampening.
Brad stepped closer, beseeching. “I want you to be happy. I want you to find what I have. God, being a father, it’s everything you’ve imagined and—”
“Don’t.” He gritted out, “Don’t throw that in my face.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” Brad pleaded.
“You didn’t want kids with me. I wasn’t good enough, but he is.”
“No. That’s not true. I didn’t want kids with you because I knew it wouldn’t fix us. It would have been a distraction for a while, but it wouldn’t have changed the fact that we weren’t right together. I didn’t want a child caught in the middle of that.”
Obviously Ben wouldn’t want that either, and now he could see the logic.
Brad motioned with his hands in the way he always had when he was passionate about something, swoops and cuts through the air. “I’m saying it’s not too late. Damn it, you’re not dead! We’re not that old yet. Find joy, Ben. Be a father. Go after it! You’re the master of your own destiny. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and grab your future by the horns. What are you waiting for?”
Ben opened and closed his mouth. He didn’t have a good answer.
Hands falling to his sides, Brad said, “I don’t want us to pretend to be friends. We shared our lives for twenty years. I don’t want there to be nothing left of that. I realize that’s easy for me to say at this point. But I’ll always care about you and want you to be happy.”
Jerking his head in a nod, Ben swallowed hard.
Brad’s cheeks puffed as he blew out a long breath and tapped his phone again. “Okay, I just have to ask you some questions. Ready?”
Ben thought of Jason down the hall. His sweet smile with a dimple in one cheek, and the way his hair curled at the ends. His utter dedication to Maggie, the loyal, beautiful love filling Jason’s heart.
“Ready.”
Ben bolted up, staring around at the hotel room, drenched in early evening sun. He’d only stretched out on the bed for a minute after showering, a towel around him. Had there been a knock, or was it in his dream?
No, there it was again, insistent. Rap-rap-rap. He flew out of bed and tossed the towel, stepping into the loose boxers before unlocking the door and flinging it open. Jason stood there with his fist raised to knock again.
“Oh, thank God. You weren’t answering your phone. I just…” Jason shook his head. “Shit, I’m sorry to bug you. I’ll let you sleep.”
“No, no. I’m awake. Is Maggie okay?”
“Yes. She’s fine. Playing games with another kid on the ward. I didn’t want to leave her, but when you didn’t answer… I don’t even know why I was worried.” Jason looked down at the phone clutched in his hand. “She insisted I go, and I don’t want to smother her. She’s safe there, right? They promised to call if anything happens, but I should get back.”
“Come in for a minute.” Ben stepped back and ushered Jason inside. “I’m sorry to worry you. I must have been passed out hard.” He strode to the bedside table and grabbed his phone. “Or maybe it was because I plugged it into the charger and then didn’t actually plug the charger into the outlet. Not my brightest move. I’m sorry.”
