Page 50 of Valor on the Move
His mother shook her head. “Darling, I thought… It didn’t seem necessary.”
“Wait…what?” Matthew’s mouth gaped. “You’re seriously gay? I thought you, like, grew out of it or whatever.”
“Oh my God.” Adriana glared at their brother. “Is your head really that far up your ass?”
“Everyone lower your voices,” their father commanded. “Now. And watch your language, young lady.”
Adriana replied, “For fuck’s sake, Dad.” She turned to Rafa. “Raf, why didn’t you tell me? You know I’d accept you. Don’t you know that? I have a million gay friends. It’s not an issue even a little bit.” She blinked rapidly, tears forming in her eyes. “Didn’t you know you could trust me?”
“You’re never here,” Rafa whispered. “We hardly ever talk. You all left a long time ago.”
“I thought you’d tell us when you were ready. I wanted to ask, but my friend Billy told me not to push. I always push and fuck things up. I didn’t want to do that with you.” She swiped a tear from her cheek. “But I guess I fucked it up anyway.”
Rafa wanted to tell her that it was okay and not to cry. “I should have told you. You’re right.”
Chris cleared his throat. “I think we all made mistakes. Why don’t we just—”
“But what about Ashleigh?” Matty asked, frowning. “Jesus, I really am clueless. I’m so sorry. Raf, I thought you guys were tight.”
“Of course they are,” Camila said. “Rafa…” She paused, the silence stretching out. “Your father and I suspected you had certain…inclinations. But you and Ashleigh have a wonderful relationship. A very successful relationship. Since you never spoke to us of being unhappy, we assumed we were all on the same page.”
“The same page,” Rafa echoed dully. It was surreal to actually be having the conversation, and it was almost like he was hovering outside his body watching.
His father walked around the wide desk. “Rafa, there are many people who maintain a respectable marriage while keeping the other part of their life…private.”
Respectable. Rafa ached all over.
“This isn’t the twentieth century, Dad.” Chris shook his head. “Gay marriages are just as respectable. They’re just marriages now, no matter how many right-wingers try to change it back. Maybe equality isn’t popular in your Republican circles, but Rafa shouldn’t have to hide who he is.” Beside him, Hadley nodded strenuously.
“I’m not marrying Ashleigh, Dad.” Rafa’s own voice sounded far away. “I was never going to marry her. We were going to come out in January when you left office.”
Camila took a step toward him. “Dear, let’s not do anything rash.”
“It isn’t rash.” Rafa gritted the words out. “We’ve planned it for years. Did you really think I was going to stay in the closet my whole life?” As his parents stared at him, he realized they did.
Oh my God, they really, actually did.
“Rafa, you have to think about your future,” Ramon said quietly. “Your career.”
Adriana rolled her eyes. “Gay people have careers, Dad.”
“I’m not going into business anyway,” Rafa said. “I’m not going to work in some corporate office.”
Camila’s tone was sharp. “Well, what on earth do you plan on doing? Do you expect us to support you while you do what, exactly?”
“I’m going to Australia.”
Another silence filled the room. Camila folded her hands in front of her, her rings visibly digging into her white fingers. “And what do you plan to do in Australia?” She said the word as if she’d found it stuck to the bottom of one of her Louboutin heels.
“I’m going to apply to the Cordon Bleu. I’ll work in a restaurant to pay the bills.”
“Oh for God’s sake!” she shouted, her eyes flashing. “Why are you so obsessed with this ridiculous idea of cooking?”
“Why are you so afraid of it?” he yelled back. “It’s what I love to do, Mom. It’s what I’m going to do. Why does it bother you? Because you think it’s gay? Even though there are a million straight guys who are chefs? All these years I’ve played my part and done what you wanted. I tried so hard to be good. To be the son you wanted. But I never will be.”
“Rafa, you know we love you,” his father said solemnly. “No matter what, we love you. We always have, and we always will.”
Tears burned behind his eyes. “Then how could you do it?”
“Do what?” Ramon shook his head.
“That bill!”
His parents shared a puzzled glance. “Darling, what bill?” Camila asked.
They don’t even remember.
“S.J.Res. 19: A joint resolution proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States relative to marriage.”
Ramon frowned deeply. “That had nothing to do with you.”
“How can you say that?” Chris demanded, as Rafa’s head felt like it would explode.
“It was politics, dear.” Camila looked at Rafa with such genuine confusion. “It wasn’t anything to do with you.”
Rafa clenched his hands into fists. “How—how can you seriously say that to me? It was a bill to take away gay people’s rights. It felt like I’d been hit by a truck that night, but I told myself that you didn’t know.” He looked to his father. “That you’d have never supported it if you knew it was my rights you were trying to destroy. It was bad enough you supported it at all, but I told myself you would never do that to your own son.”
