Page 59 of 5+Us Makes Seven

“Tell her what?” I asked.

“That you loved her,” Nathaniel said.

“I didn’t.”

“Why not?” Joshua said.

“Because I didn’t want to make things harder on her than they already are. This decision for her wasn’t easy, and we have to respect it. If you guys want, we could try sending her a letter. We could draw her pictures and sign it with personal notes, and I’ll make sure it gets sent to the part of Africa she’s in,” I said.

“So we can’t call?” Clara asked.

“No, princess. We can’t call,” I said.

I finished making dinner for the kids, but it was pretty silent. The hurt was evident on their faces and I had no idea how to take it away. I had no clue how to make this easier or better for them. I was heartbroken for my kids and heartbroken for myself, but I knew Natasha was following her dreams.

And I couldn’t ever be upset with her for that.

She was an incredible woman who would have a lot to give this world. Her selfless nature and her caring heart would take her lots of places, especially in the career she chose. I saw her doing great things. Big things. Massive things to help improve the area of Bria. She would change lives and impact children in ways they would’ve never been able to dream of, and part of me was proud of her.

But part of me still hurt. Part of me was still angry that she left.

The kids and I ate dinner in silence before I cleaned up their plates. I had them go upstairs and strip down so we could do bath time while I loaded the dishwasher. I looked out at our backyard as the dishwasher started up, the chugging water filling the kitchen with noise as I stood.

If Natasha was still here, we would be enjoying a glass of wine.

I dragged myself upstairs and helped my kids to get ready for bed. Our nighttime routine had doubled in length because it was three against one again. I got them all washed, dried, and in clean pajamas, then we all piled onto my bed, so I could read them a bedtime story.

And when Clara handed me the book she wanted to read, I had to hold back a sigh. Because when I opened the first page, there was a written inscription from Natasha.

To the kids who have it all,

Never stop reading. It’ll take you on adventures even your father can’t buy.

Love,

Natasha

“If she loved us, she wouldn’t have left,” Nathaniel said.

“Stop. I won’t have you talking anymore about it,” I said. “I know you miss her. But Natasha is a wonderful woman who is following her dreams. I know you’re too young to understand that, but one day you will. And when you do, you’ll respect her for her decision instead of being angry at her for it.”

“I’m not angry,” Nathaniel said. “I’m lonely.”

“You’ve got me,” I said. “What am I? Chopped liver?”

“Miss Nattie understood me,” Nathaniel said. “No offense, Dad. But she got me.”

“I know how you feel,” I said. “She got me, too.”

“Do we have to read?” Clara asked.

“Don’t you want to do what Natasha asked?”

“Tell us a story about her,” Joshua said.

“Yeah, a story about Miss Nattie,” Nathaniel said.

“Please?” Clara asked.

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