Page 46 of 5+Us Makes Seven

I took the bite and allowed it to roll over my tongue. It was spicy. Very spicy. So spicy that I started coughing and reaching for my wine. I tipped it up and chugged as tears rose in my eyes.

Holy hell, that thing burned.

I cleared my throat as the waiter prepared us for the next course. I watched Carter retreat back into this shell. This hardened shell I hadn’t seen since my first interview. His face was stoic, and his lips were silent. He was closing himself off and I didn’t know why.

“Carter, the job wouldn’t start for another month or so. It’s plenty of time for me to help you find another nanny,” I said.

“I found you, so I’ll find another,” he said.

“Why are you being so weird about this?” I asked.

“I’m not. I’m happy for you. To Africa.”

He lifted up his wine glass before he tossed it back. I was suddenly no longer hungry, so I waved off the plates the waiter had for me. I watched Carter continue to slurp back his food. Unable to chew and unable to look at me.

What in the world was going on?

I thought he was going to be happy for me.

“Carter, please talk to me,” I said.

“Nothing to talk about. I’m happy for you.”

“You’re obviously not.”

“I’ll blame that on the stressful day at work.”

“It’s Saturday.”

“And this is a business function.”

“It doesn't feel like a business function. It feels personal. Very, very personal,” I said.

I watched him pull out his phone. He was typing around on his screen as his cheeks flushed red. He stood up from the table and opened his wallet, then threw some money onto the table.

Then he walked up to my side and offered me his hand.

“There’s an Uber that will pull up to take you home,” he said.

I brushed his hand away and stood up on my own.

“Thanks,” I said flatly.

“Good luck in Africa,” Carter said.

“Yeah. I’m sure you mean that.”

I walked past Carter and I could feel his eyes on me. I walked down the steps of the restaurant just as the car was pulling up for me. I slid in and told her to drive, not caring about where we ended up. I had plenty of cash in my wallet to cover whatever driving the woman decided to do, so long as it gave me time to think.

I crossed my arms over my chest and sank into the seat. Tears lined the edges of my eyes as the city passed me by in a haze.

In the span of an hour, I had gone from having a family to having no one.

I was alone again. Lost in a world that was uncaring, unforgiving, and somehow still necessary to navigate.

And maybe that was how it was supposed to be. Maybe I was supposed to be alone. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to have a family, but I was supposed to help others around me cultivate families. Maybe I was the family-maker and not the family-keeper.

Fuck. I was confusing myself.

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