Page 38 of 5+Us Makes Seven

“My wife wanted to go to Africa,” Carter said.

I whipped my head over to him as I studied the profile of his face. He had never willingly brought her up before.

Why was he doing it now?

“Which part?” I asked.

“She wanted to go on one of those African safaris,” he said.

“I hear they’re fun,” I said.

“I kept putting it off. Telling her we would go soon. Over spring break. Next summer. Next year.”

I watched him wrap his lips around the rim of his glass as his eyes became unfocused.

“What happened to her, Carter?”

His eyes closed for a moment as he took a long pull of his wine.

“When my wife got pregnant with Clara, things didn’t quite pan out the way we wanted. She was strong with Nathaniel and Joshua, but for some reason Clara drained all of her energy.”

“That sometimes happens,” I said.

“It got to a point where she was sleeping thirteen, fourteen hours a day. I had to hire someone to come in and help me with the kids while she laid in bed and tried her best to grow Clara.”

“What was going on?” I asked.

“She had a tumor,” he said. “In her uterus. It was growing alongside Clara and robbing her of everything. Clara was fine. Strong. Stable. But between the growing tumor and Clara’s nutritional needs, it was literally killing my wife.”

“Oh my God,” I said breathlessly.

“The doctors wanted to take Clara early and put her in a NICU so they could operate on the tumor, but she wasn’t having it. She was combative, and determined to carry Clara for as long as she could.”

I reached over and took Carter’s hand as he threw back the rest of his wine.

“She got to eight months before the tumor forced her into labor. Clara was delivered by c-section and her entire uterus was removed to get rid of the tumor. But by then, it had metastasized. Spread to her lungs and her liver. We did chemotherapy and radiation and tried to get ahead of it, but… we couldn't.”

I squeezed his hand as tears lined the edges of my eyes.

“The tumors ravaged her and took her from us about a month before Clara turned one.”

“I’m so sorry, Carter,” I said breathlessly.

“I tell you this because… because what made my wife so special wasn’t the fact that she was my wife. It was the light she brought into this house. The joy she filled it with. The smile she put on our children’s faces. It doesn’t matter the role you play. What matters is how you affect this house. Whether you’re a neighbor or a nanny or something else entirely, you fill this house with a light that hasn’t been here since her.”

Carter brought my hand to his lips to kiss as I took a long pull of my wine.

“I didn’t care to correct that family because it didn’t matter. What they saw was a light in my children’s eyes that hasn’t been there for over two years. Who cares if you’re the nanny?” he asked.

I nodded my head as I drained the rest of my wine from my cup.

“But now, I’m going to ask you a question. And I want you to answer me honestly,” he said.

I braced myself for whatever was coming as I nodded my head.

“You haven't been okay lately. You’ve been coming in tired. Exhausted, even. If you’re sick, you know you can take time off, right?” Carter asked.

“I’m not sick,” I said.

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