Page 35 of Expecting the Earl's Baby

Seb froze, his eyes fixed on her.

The blood was pounding hard in her ears, like a river in full flood. What had she said that for? Not even married and already she was pushing too hard, wanting too much. ‘Which is silly because you’re not,’ she back-pedalled, desperately wanting to make light of the words. ‘Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones not wanting my baby’s hunter gatherer to shack up in someone else’s cave.’ She made herself hold his gaze, made herself smile although it felt unnatural.

‘I have no intention of shacking up in anyone’s cave.’ She winced at the horror in his voice and his face softened. ‘I promised you, Daisy, I promised you that if you married me I would be in this completely.’ He paused and she held her breath, waiting for the inevitable caveat. ‘As much as I can be.’ There it was. Known, expected. Yet it still hurt.

And she didn’t want to dwell on why. Maybe she was beginning to believe their fantasy a little too much, fool that she was.

‘But there will be nobody else, you have no reason to worry on that score.’

‘Thank you.’ She exhaled, a low painful breath. ‘It’s just difficult, the difference between the public and the private. I know I asked you to pretend but I admit I didn’t realise it would be so hard.’

‘Why?’ He hadn’t moved.

‘Why what?’

‘Why are we pretending? Why don’t you want to be honest?’

Her eyes flickered back to Monty and she focused on the fuzzy top of his head, drawing each ear lovingly through her hands, trying to think of a way to explain that wouldn’t make her sound too pathetic. ‘It’s a bit of a family joke, that I’m always falling in and out of love, that I’m a hopeless romantic. Even when I was a little girl I knew that I wanted to get married, to have children. But I wanted more than just settling down. I wanted what Mum and Dad have.’

‘They’re one in a million, Daisy.’ Ouch, there it was. Pity.

‘Maybe, but I know it’s possible. It’s not that they wouldn’t understand us marrying for the baby, wouldn’t be supportive. But they’d know I was giving up on my dream. I don’t want to do that to them.’ She paused then looked straight at him. ‘As well as to myself.

‘All my parents want is for me to be happy. They don’t ask for anything more than that. When I was photographed and expelled they were disappointed, of course they were, although they didn’t yell or punish me—but they weren’t surprised either. They knew I’d mess up, somehow. And now I’ve messed up again. I was so determined to do it right, to show them I could cope on my own.’

‘I think you are being hard on yourself—and on them,’ he added unexpectedly. ‘They adore you. Do you know how lucky you are to have that? People who care about you? Who only want you to be happy?’

All Daisy could do was stare at him in shock. ‘I...’ she began but he cut her off.

‘I agree, lying to your family is wrong and I wish I had never agreed—but do you know what I fear? That you’re right, that if you tell them the truth then they will stop you, they will show you that with a family like yours there is no way in hell you have to shackle yourself to me, that you and the baby will be fine, that you won’t need me.’

‘No, you’re the baby’s father and nothing will change that. Of course the baby will need you.’ There was so much she didn’t know, so much that she feared—but of this she was convinced.

She could need him too. If she allowed herself. Today had been almost perfect: help, support, wordless communication. But she knew it was a one-off. She had to train herself to enjoy these days when they came—and to never expect them.

‘I hope so.’ His smile was crooked. ‘As for the rest, Daisy, you messed up at sixteen. Big deal. At least you learned from it, got on with your life, made something of yourself. You’re not the only member of your family—or mine—to have dominated the headlines. Both your sisters spent their time on the front covers and they were older than you.’

‘I know.’ Could she admit it to him? The guilt she never allowed herself to articulate to anyone? Not even herself. ‘But Violet was set up. Horribly and cruelly and callously set up and betrayed—and I don’t think it is a coincidence that it wasn’t long after everything that happened to me. I often wondered.’ She paused. ‘I think it was because of me. I had dropped out of the headlines so they went after my sister. And they destroyed her.’

‘It’s because of who your parents are, simple as that. You’re all wealthy and beautiful.’ A shiver went through her at the desire in his eyes as he said the last word. ‘You’re connected. People love that stuff. That’s why we have to be careful, not a breath of scandal. Or they’ll never leave us alone.’

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