Page 94 of The Holiday Ex-Files

Lots of love,

Cami

I clicked publish and looked up to find Mara walking back to my car with two gigantic cups of steaming hot chocolate, hopefully with a bunch of whipped cream, from the nearby coffeehouse. She’d taken one for the team and blazed her way into the only open store in the vicinity. They were taking advantage of all of us crazies. I hadn’t done the craziness in a few years, but Mara begged me to come with her and be the voice of reason. She was addicted to coats and yarn, and I was the gatekeeper to her credit card. Besides, how could I sleep knowing Noah was in love with me and he had kissed me. And kissed me. And kissed me. And kissed me some more. Kissed me until he’d stolen my breath and I lost all feeling in my toes. That was probably because it was cold, and we were standing in the snow. But I’m open to testing that theory.

This was a life-changing event. And not just because I had never been kissed so thoroughly or wonderfully. Seriously, the man should make a YouTube tutorial on how to kiss. He would be a millionaire with all the views. However, it wasn’t just his technique. There was something in his kiss that spoke to my broken soul. That said, “I don’t need to fix you; I’ll take you as you are for now and who you decide to be forever.”

It was the forever part that scared the living daylights out of me. Noah wasn’t just looking for a hookup or a girlfriend—he wanted me for every trip he would take around the sun until the end of his days, and knowing him, all the days after that too. He didn’t say that last night, but I couldn’t help but play over and over again the time he’d said he already knew who Mrs. Cullen would be. He was talking about me. That meant I had to know if a relationship was a part of my puzzle. When I’d married six years ago, I thought I knew everything I needed to know about life. Oh, how wrong I was. I knew absolutely nothing. Even now I knew very little. But what I did know made me skittish.

Mara jumped in the car, looking as if she’d just survived the Hunger Games. “Here.” She handed me a cup so large I needed two hands. With it also came the smirkiest smirk. She’d been giving those to me ever since I picked her up an hour ago.

“What?”

“I’m still thinking about the fact that after he kissed you, you called yourself a skank and him a man whore. If you end up together, that will be a great story to tell your kids.” She laughed hysterically.

I rested my head on my steering wheel and groaned. “I know. It’s so embarrassing. But how was I to know he wasn’t in love with Annika?”

“That’s another thing—caulking?” She giggled. “From now on that’s what we’re calling sex.”

I lifted my head and smiled over at her.

“Which reminds me, you didn’t get to the part about how Annika took it.”

“Not good.” I cringed. “Apparently she shoved a large knife in the turkey while laughing maniacally.”

Mara shuddered. “Did he tell her he was in love with you?”

“No. Not only did he fear for my safety, but he knows how much I’m struggling with who I am and what that means for the Ex-Filers. You saw all those comments when they thought I was dating Noah. Some of them were vicious and questioned if I was deceiving people and just an opportunist.” I let out a heavy sigh and took a sip of my hot chocolate. Yep, the whipped cream was there. “It’s all so confusing. Then there’s the question of how I support myself if it all goes away. But I don’t want it to go away. I feel like what I do helps people. I get messages all the time of how healing it was for me to remove an ex from what they considered a living reminder they didn’t want anymore.” I took several more sips and let the chocolate soothe my soul.

“So, you’ve already decided on Noah?” she hesitated to ask.

I bit my lip. “I mean, I could kiss him all day and be a happy woman,” I teased. “Honestly, though, I don’t know. I’m scared. What if he changes like Ben? And what if I don’t stick up for myself? And I am worried about losing my business, and for some reason Noah isn’t into sneaking around. But doesn’t that sound like fun?” I half-heartedly laughed.

“Secret liaisons do sound sexy,” Mara agreed. “But as much as I hate to agree with Noah, a person who keeps you a secret usually has other things to hide. And if you can’t be open in the light, there is no hope for you as a couple when things get dark.”

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