Page 90 of The Holiday Ex-Files

When the noise level was down to a quiet roar, Dad peered into Mom’s watery eyes and said, “We’ve come to a decision.”

I braced myself.

“I’m retiring. Jay,” he groaned, “wants to take the firm in a different direction, so he’s buying me out. It’s almost a done deal.”

The noise level erupted to breaking-the-sound-barrier-level.

I had no idea Dad was even thinking about retiring. It made me wonder if Jay wanted to do something shady and Dad was having no part of it. Regardless, we were all in shock. Then Dad caught my eye, and between his smile and nod, I knew what he was telling me. He was moving on from Jenkins & Scott, so I had permission to as well. In part, his retirement was a gift to me. I popped off my seat with Saylor still in my arms and headed straight for my dad, passing off Saylor to her mom as I went.

Dad opened his arms wide, and I fell right into them. “Thank you, Daddy,” I cried into his chest. I hadn’t called him Daddy in a long time, but this was a total daddy moment.

He kissed my head. “I figured it was time for both of us to move on.”

“I’m officially turning in my resignation.” I laughed.

Dad chuckled. “I figured that would probably be the case.”

I felt such a weight lift off my shoulders. I mean, I would have to figure out health insurance and ways to replace that income. My heart stilled. It knew exactly how I could easily replace that income. Oh. It was definitely something to think about—doing lifestyle shoots again.

But I didn’t have time to think about it, as Kellan stood and yelled over the crowd. “We have an announcement too. We’ve got a little Elvis cooking! We’re due in March.”

Wow. Tonya didn’t look pregnant at all. They’d done a good job of keeping that under wraps.

Everyone diverted their attention and rushed Kellan and Tonya, well mostly Tonya. Mom was to her first. She was already bawling like she always did when someone announced a new grandchild. Next, she would bring out her Blessed Grandma shirt and wear it for days on end. I so badly wanted her to wear that shirt for me. I’d had visions of telling her I was pregnant and the shopping spree that would have ensued, along with decorating the nursery.

For now, I stood back and watched the joyous scene and wondered if I would have one to match. Don’t get me wrong, I was so happy for new life, but as always, it made me think of the life I never got to bring into the world. That didn’t stop me from hugging my brother and congratulating him, but after that, I slipped downstairs, grabbed one of Mom’s long coats, and headed outside to catch my breath. I headed for my favorite spot by the lake. With the crunch of snow beneath my feet, I breathed in the cold air that smelled of pine and for some reason apple pie. Maybe a neighbor had gotten adventurous and made pie on the grill.

I carefully made my descent to the firepit Dad had built near the lake, with large boulders and tree stumps for seating. The lake was still, and reflected the half moon. With the snowy trees surrounding it, the water looked like a pool of silver. The clear night showcased the array of stars. It was quite perfect. I swiped the snow off a stump and sat down to absorb the peace of the night while watching my breath play in the cold air. So many beautiful memories lived in this place. Memories like sleeping out under the stars with my dad while he made up stories about the different constellations. Until I was nine, I believed with all my heart that the Little Dipper and the Big Dipper were married and their babies were the stars surrounding them. Dad and I had even named them: Dot, Jasper, Dippity-do, etc. To be so innocent again.

I closed my eyes and let the cold sting my cheeks. It was refreshing and made me feel alive. I’d felt more alive the last few days than I had in a long time. Now I had new possibilities in front of me. More chances to be myself, if I was brave enough. Today my dad had helped me crop out another piece of my life with Ben. I wondered if Jay had made the same announcement at their Thanksgiving meal. I was anxious to get Mara’s take. See what her dad was up to.

For now, though, I continued to soak in the magic of this place. The place where I’d believed that dreams could come true, and I could do and become anything I wanted to be. I longed for that girl. She was making an appearance more and more, but life had made her more cautious.

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