Page 52 of The Holiday Ex-Files

My eyes welled with tears, not sure Ben ever needed or wanted me the way I had wanted him. “How did it get so messed up, then?”

Noah wrapped an arm around me. I leaned into him, trying not to let Miss Sparkly get too comfortable. But Noah was exactly that, comfortable.

“I don’t know.” He rubbed his hand down my arm. “But I know you’re stronger than the mess.”

I wiped my eyes. “I’m working on it.”

“That’s the difference between Ben and you. He keeps digging himself in deeper because he can’t see a way out of the mess he created.”

I leaned away from Noah. “Are you trying to help him too?”

“Cams.” He hit me with those eyes of his. “Ben has been my best friend since kindergarten. He chose to do another year of first grade when he found out I was being held back.”

I used to love that story of how Ben had begged his parents to let him repeat first grade so Noah wouldn’t have to do it alone. I thought I was getting such a good person to spend my life with.

“He made me want to try harder,” Noah continued, “after giving up a year for me. I keep hoping that maybe I can do the same for him right now—help him try harder.”

I was in awe of him. Not only could he still see the good in Ben where I saw none, but he saw the good in me, even when I gave him no reason to. “Noah, I might be the coolest person you know, but you are the best person I know. Don’t tell Mara I said that.” I giggled.

Noah laughed and pulled me in for a hug. He rested his chin on my head. “All of your secrets are safe with me.”

I naturally nestled into his chest and took a moment to breathe him in, believing he really could keep me safe. It wasn’t my brightest move. Miss Sparkly was all aflutter. Don’t tell me you don’t like this.

I couldn’t lie to myself. But I could keep it a secret, and that’s what I planned to do.

Chapter Seventeen

Dear Ex-Filers, my mother would often say to me in my teen years: “I hope you see your beauty, not in the mirror or in what others may say about you.” Find your beauty today.

Lots of love,

Cami

P.S. Check out the volunteer section. My local Ex-Filers chapter is looking for people to help serve dinner on Thanksgiving Day at the Reno homeless shelter. Come hang out with me for a good cause. If you can’t volunteer that day but would like to help, see the donation link. Also, check out all the other Ex-Filers chapters across the country for more opportunities to help your community.

I clicked publish and prepared myself mentally for what I was about to do. I looked out my car window at the big orange letters that spelled out Hobby Lobby. It was five minutes until opening and Miss Sparkly was like a racehorse at the gate, chomping at the bit to be released. Meanwhile, I waited for my partner in crime for the day, Mom. Mara had a client meeting she couldn’t miss. Mom was almost giddier than Miss Sparkly. She said, and I quote, “It’s about damn time.” Then she giggled because she swore. She probably washed her mouth out with soap afterward too. I made her promise me, though, not to try and trick me into taking a stroll down the holly jolly aisles.

I may have watched twenty hours’ worth of Halloween movies and specials in the last few days, and lit so many pumpkin-spice candles that it looked like I was holding the world’s largest séance, but I wasn’t sure I would ever make peace with the supposed “most wonderful time of the year”. Which was why I had already booked my trip to the Virgin Islands. What made it even better? Mara was coming with me this year. I could hardly contain my excitement about it. While everyone else would be unwrapping presents, we would be covering ourselves in suntan oil and sipping on piña coladas while soaking in all the virginity the islands had to offer. Not like there was a lot of abstinence going on there. I’d seen some pretty X-rated things on the beach. But most of it was so ridiculously embarrassing, and fueled by alcohol, that it only gave me more resolve to stay a born-again virgin. Hallelujah. Mara was going to love it.

Miss Sparkly, on the other hand, was having second thoughts about our decision—but she and I had come to an agreement: I would do my best to enjoy Halloween, and possibly Thanksgiving, if she left holly jolly day and Noah alone. There would be no more checking out his butt or trying to snuggle up to him while we watched the first three Harry Potter movies. You should have seen her inching over on the couch. She was shameless. But she’d had a reality check at the last Ex-Filers meeting to finalize our Halloween Bash plans. Annika was there and when I’d mentioned that Noah was coming, we both saw the flash of excitement in her eyes. And when I’d told Noah that Annika was looking forward to seeing him, he blushed. I didn’t even know he could do that.

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