Page 99 of The Holiday Ex-Files

The excitement level of the crowd went up with the lively tune.

My excitement increased when Noah came to stand by me and Jaxon took my hand. It felt like the Christmas mornings of my childhood.

“Hi,” I shouted so they could all hear.

“I’m going to catch some candy!” Liam squealed.

My younger minions were excited about that, too, and were eagerly waiting near the roadside, with their parents trying to hold them back before they got maimed by a tuba player.

A palpable tension hung between Noah and me. It was the delicious kind, filled with longing. Like a child waiting for Santa, knowing he knew exactly the gift to bring you. With every glance and gaze, my desire to draw near him grew, even though we were in public. I found myself not caring. That spoke volumes to me. But sweet Jaxon snuggled deeper into my side, placing a cute barrier between me and his uncle.

My parents and siblings shamelessly gawked at us. Noah took it all in stride, smiling and gazing frequently at me. He never physically touched me, but he didn’t have to. With each one of his glances, I knew how he felt about me. I realized he’d been looking at me like that for the last ten years. Yet he’d loved me enough to let me go, not once but twice. He was letting me choose him. What a beautiful gift.

As we watched the parade’s procession of floats, bands, and convertibles—filled with celebrities who lived among us, waving like they were the Queen of England—it was hard not to absorb the magic of the Christmas season. It was as if hope lived and breathed. If that wasn’t enchanting enough, when a local jazz band began to play “White Christmas,” snowflakes drifted down. It was stunningly perfect.

I looked up to the sky and let the snowflakes catch on my eyelashes and melt on my cheeks. The boys stuck out their tongues to catch a few. Some of my minions danced in circles, enjoying the snowfall.

Noah watched me with that look that said I was the coolest girl he knew. Yet he patiently waited.

When Santa arrived, everyone cheered. Santa’s elves threw candy out into the crowd, and as was the town’s tradition, a chorus of “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” broke out.

I had missed this so much. So much that I was too choked up to sing. But I remembered many times with Ben and Noah at this very parade. Noah would sing as loud as me, just like he was doing now. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only person I could hear. Above the swell of music, the most grating voice on the planet pierced through my holly and jolly.

Noah and I must have heard it at the same time, as our heads jerked to the left. There she was near the street sign they changed to Santa Claus Lane each year especially for the parade, in her snug white jumpsuit with a white fur muffler. And she couldn’t forget her brimmed hat to match. She pouted her lips like she was a long-lost Kardashian sister as she rambled on about the charm of Aspen Lake. She was so fake. I thought Claudia Cann can’t do this side of the lake.

It didn’t help when Ben came into view. He stood watching his wife, who constantly had a phone in front of her face. What a life.

I had to ask myself, what were they doing here? I looked up at Noah, who must have been thinking the same thing. “Are you okay?” he mouthed.

I nodded, feeling like I might puke. I hated that they still made me feel off-center and like I wanted to scurry away. Yet, I made myself stay in place. The fact that he would bring her to a place that meant so much to me said it all. He had cared nothing for our relationship, for me. They were here for the photo op and that was all that mattered. He was a self-centered jerk.

I couldn’t help but think, though, that I too often lived, not necessarily for the photo op, but for the laugh or validation. That I let virtual friends and strangers have a huge say in my life. Many who didn’t care for me beyond my snarky and snappy posts.

Then there was Noah, who maneuvered himself to block my view of the pair. He was anything but selfish. He took care of everyone around him, never expecting anything in return. He was a living, breathing person in my world. A constant, no matter what I had done or would do.

I found myself switching Jaxon to my other side and reaching for Noah’s hand. Not because I needed him, but because I wanted him and all his goodness. He was real, and when it was all said and done, he would follow me on any path I chose.

---