Page 80 of The Holiday Ex-Files

“You just want the hot chocolate.” I used humor to deflect how crazy I felt inside.

“You got me, now get over here.”

I found myself zipping his way as if he were a tractor beam. I handed him a big, steaming mug of hot chocolate bursting with whipped cream and curls of chocolate on top.

“You are an angel.” He carefully took his mug.

If only he meant that for real and not just because I handed him a thousand calories of delight.

I sat a properly friendly distance away from him. “I don’t know, I’m feeling kind of devilish.”

“Devilish can be good.” He wagged his brows.

“Not that kind. Like the truly evil kind,” I admitted.

Noah’s eyes narrowed. “Cams, you’re not evil. What has you feeling exposed today?” He swiped some whipped cream off my cocoa and dabbed it on my nose.

“Hey, don’t waste my whipped cream.” I took a swipe of his and licked it off my finger.

Noah seemed mesmerized by my lips, and I think he might have stopped breathing.

“You okay?”

“Damn,” he whispered and swallowed hard before letting out a heavy breath. “I’m fine. Answer my question.” He put more space between us.

I was totally being skanky. I knew I’d sat too close. And the whipped cream thing was kind of flirty. I sipped on my hot chocolate, trying to ease my soul. It wasn’t helping.

“Cams.” Noah reached over and tugged on my hair. “You can open up to me.”

Be open. Like wide open. Don’t let me down this time. Miss Sparkly was demanding.

I did need to talk to someone, but I wasn’t sure Noah was the right person. After all, I was having a lot of conflicting feelings for him.

He’s the perfect person. Spill your guts, woman!

Before I could stop myself, I found this flying out of my mouth: “Do you like the old me or the new me better?”

If you’re trying to get rid of me, it won’t work. Noah totally likes me better, babe.

Don’t get your panties in a wad, I’m just taking a poll here. You know, maybe I should do a big survey and whoever wins stays.

Get ready to pack your bags, sweetheart.

She was probably right, but I needed to do more research. I could put up a fight too.

Noah set his hot chocolate down and inched a tad closer. “Cams, there is no old you and new you; there’s just you, and I like you.”

That was a little heart-melting. But he didn’t know the ugly truth yet.

“Noah, that’s sweet, but I feel like there is a before-Ben and an after-Ben version of me. And I don’t know who to be. Honestly, I feel crazy.”

“You are a little crazy.” He smirked. “But it’s part of your charm.”

“Thanks,” I said, chagrined.

“I’m being sincere. You’ve always had this crazy, wild side to you. That’s who you are. And as far as you before and after Ben,” he hissed his name, “the only difference is you seem to be afraid of who you are.”

“I am afraid.” I sounded so pathetic. If he only knew about Miss Sparkly and how rude she was.

Hey, I’m not rude. I’m giving you tough love.

Noah took my cocoa and set it next to his before wrapping me up in his arms. Like the skank I was, I burrowed right into him. Oy vey, was it nice. Much less scary in his arms. Well, until I thought about it. It was scary how good it felt. Even how right it felt.

Noah ran his hand down my hair. “Cami, just hold on. You’re going to figure it out. I promise.”

“How do you know?” I sounded like a damsel in distress, which I hated, but it was kind of working for me, so I went with it and snuggled in a little more.

Noah obliged and tightened his grip on me. Oh baby, I was feeling all those muscles he had shown off in his latest photo shoot. Which reminded me, he was in love with Annika. Reluctantly, I wiggled out of his arms. His eyes, though, didn’t let me get far. Those babies grabbed ahold of me like the jaws of life holding me hostage right next to him, where I could breathe the same breaths as him.

“Cams, I know you’ll get through this because deep inside,”—he pointed to my heart, really my boob, but I got the sentiment—“no one loves life like you do. That fierce love is just waiting to be unleashed. I can feel it.”

“Can you really?” I whispered.

He nodded. “You just have to keep following my plan.”

I laughed softly. “You mean there’s more?”

“Oh yeah. Get ready for the most Thanksgiving month you have ever had.”

“The holidays,” I groaned.

“Come on, Cams, you love the holidays.” He held up a pumpkin pillow to prove his point. “Not only love them, but need them. We’re going to start tonight with watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Then we’re going to move on to signing up for the 5K Turkey Trot, and we’ll see where life takes us. I’m thinking snow angels.”

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