Page 57 of The Holiday Ex-Files

To our death, I reminded her.

You live like we are dead. What’s worse?

Ouch.

I only say these things to you for our own good. Do you think I like that we’re talking to ourselves? If you would only come to terms with me, your true self, we wouldn’t be having these conversations anymore. The ball is in your court here. Are you going to start playing the game we love again, a.k.a. life? Or are you going to sit here on the couch, talking to me and Neville for eternity?

I like Neville. You, not so much.

You love me. You’re just scared.

I let Neville rest on my lap and plugged my ears, as if that would help Miss Sparkly go away.

Still here, she sang.

Ugh.

Now get up, Noah will be here soon to pick you up.

I had planned to call and cancel on Noah after arguing with Miss Sparkly last night for hours about her behavior around him. She was thinking some crazy things, like that maybe Noah thinks about me as more than a friend. My mother obviously thought so, and even Mara had said something when I’d driven her home from visiting her mom in the hospital. She’d found it interesting how quickly Noah had come to my defense, and apparently after I left the room, he’d told Ben he only had himself to blame for letting go of the best thing that will ever happen to him. But Mara only said it was interesting.

Anyway, it was all crazy thinking. Except . . . No. Never mind.

Say it, Miss Sparkly begged. You know you felt something in his arms.

Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. He loves Annika.

You don’t know that.

Not for sure, but it makes sense. Besides, we kind of built a business around the whole being single thing.

That was you, girl. Not me. Though I get why you did. But is that really it for us? No more sleeping on chests and waking up to sleepy smiles and warm kisses? And what about a baby?

I rubbed my abdomen, tears leaking down my cheeks.

Don’t even say artificial insemination. You know that’s not the way you want to go. You want to create a life with someone you love.

That worked out really well for us last time.

Ben was a hit and a miss. So that means you’re never going to try for a home run again?

I thought I had made that clear.

Then Ben wins. Congratulations.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. It was more complicated than that. But yeah, I heard her message loud and clear.

I held Neville up and kissed his head before setting him back down on the couch. Noah would be here in fifteen minutes, and I didn’t need him to see tear-stained cheeks. Part of me was hoping not to see him at all today. But I knew how excited Jaxon and Liam were about me coming. Not only that, but my mom was also getting devious. She’d told all my siblings where I would be today, so several of them were showing up with their kiddos, so happy that Aunt Cami was finally joining in on the holiday fun.

I had no choice now but to show up for the children and be happy. Admittedly, I was excited. I’d missed Peterson’s—although I was nervous. A lot of good memories with Ben lived there. And Miss Sparkly might think I was letting Ben win, but going to Peterson’s today was proving I may just be the victor. Perhaps not in all the ways she wanted. But I was trying. Truly, I was.

I went to my bathroom and dabbed under my eyes, removing the mascara stains before fixing the damage I had done. I went with a soft, neutral smoky eye to match the warm-brown, off-one-shoulder sweater I was sporting for the occasion. Yes, Miss Sparkly suggested the outfit. It did make me feel pretty. Not gorgeous like Annika or Claudia, but at least I looked like me.

I had barely finished fixing my makeup when Noah knocked on my door. His knock was as distinctive as he was. I’d told him I would just meet him and the boys there, but he didn’t trust me to show up. It was probably a good call on his part.

On the walk to the door, I wanted to tell Miss Sparkly to behave herself today, but it was futile. She was in battle mode, and wouldn’t be backing down until she’d overtaken us once and for all. Part of me wanted to give in to her. She was happy and a lot of fun. But she had her flaws like everyone else. She was naive, and probably too much of a people pleaser, for starters.

Better that than scared to live my life and unwilling to send condolence cards.

She was never going to let that go.

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