Page 137 of A Love Letter to Whiskey
“What if there wasn’t one?”
She hugged her thighs to her chest then, resting her cheek on her knees as she turned to look at me.
God, the way that girl looked at me.
Her eyes shone in the moonlight, and those gray pools were an ocean all their own. “What’s going on, Jamie?”
I swallowed. “Things have been hard, you know? I mean, we’re in college, but we’re not too dumb to see how the economy is suffering right now. But I never thought it would directly affect me. I think we’re at that age where we just feel invincible, like nothing can touch us, but it can.” I shook my head, picking at the strings on the edge of our blanket. “My dad’s firm is going under. It’s going fast. And I’m here, in California, in fucking college, powerless to do anything to save it, yet depending on it all the same.”
Her hand moved for mine so quickly, so naturally, like that’s right where it belonged.
I turned my palm up to meet hers, lacing our fingers together, holding on tight like she was the gravity that held me steady.
“How bad is it?”
“Bad,” I croaked.
She leaned her head on my shoulder, that citrus scent finding me once again.
“But is there a chance it’ll be okay?”
I shrugged. “I guess there’s always a chance.”
“So focus on that,” she said. “Jamie, your father built that firm. It’s been a part of him since he was twenty-six years old. He’s put blood, sweat, and tears into it. Do you think a little recession is going to kill his dream? His baby?”
I frowned, considering her point.
“No way,” she answered for me. “Because the Shaw’s are fighters. When you see something you want — truly want — you go after it. All of you. And your dad is going to find a way to keep the firm alive. There is no other option for him.”
“It’s not that simple,” I argued. “There’s less of a need for high-end accountants when businesses are tanking. The few clients they have left are seeking out cheaper options, if not battling their own demise.”
“Okay, but this recession isn’t going to last forever. If your dad can just hold on—”
“And what if he doesn’t, B?”
I turned to her then, hating how frustrated I sounded — but it was exactly how I felt. And I knew I didn’t have to hide that, not with her.
“What then?”
“Then he starts over, Jamie.” She sat up straighter to face me, too. “And so do you. And you figure it out. Because that’s what life’s about. It’s about paddling out and fighting the waves until you find the perfect one to ride home on.”
“I don’t know if I could start over,” I admitted, my heart cracking with the thought of it.
B moved until she sat in front of me, wanting all of my attention.
Like she didn’t already have it.
Like it wouldn’t always belong to her.
“Don’t you remember what I told you Christmas Eve when we were in high school?”
My frown ebbed, and I nodded.
“I meant it then, I mean it even more now. You’re only a sophomore in college, and already you’ve done two internships and started preparing for your Certified Public Accountant examination, which you don’t even need to think about until grad school. You’re acing your classes and building a network by attending all those fancy events downtown. You’re doing it, Jamie. You’re making your own dreams come true, just like your dad did. This recession will pass, and you’ll come out on top no matter what because that’s just who you are.”
The more she spoke, the more my heart calmed, the beat of it finding a steady rhythm.
How is it this girl believes in me this much?
“You’re right,” I said with a determined sigh. “I can do this.”
“You can,” she said, squeezing my hands in hers.
That squeeze hit me somewhere so deep, the light couldn’t reach.
“I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not scared,” I added. “But I believe you when you say I can do it. I believe you when you say it will be okay.”
“Good. Because I’m right, like, ninety-seven percent of the time.”
I gave her a small smile.
“I think I’m going to go home this summer, try to help my dad turn it around.”
“You should. It’d be a great experience for you, and I know your dad would love having you around.”
“Would you come with me?”
The words flew out of my mouth before I could think better of them. I meant them — God, I meant them — but I knew by the way her eyes widened that I was stupid for voicing them out loud.
She pulled her hands away from mine, and my nose flared at the loss.
“I don’t know what my plans are for the summer yet. But you’ll be fine without me.”
