Page 84 of A Love Letter to Whiskey
I tried hard not to, but I compared every move he made to Whiskey. The way he kissed my neck, the way his fingers felt inside me, the way he looked when he came. It was nice with River — fun, sweet, almost a little too intimate. That night, he wasn’t my shot of whiskey, but he was my cup of tea — and maybe that’s what I needed. A change in pace, a new addiction, a fresh taste on my tongue.
At least, that’s what I told myself that night. I repeated it in my head until River stepped out early the next morning and I called into work. Just like I’d predicted, the hangover hit me like a wall of a wave.
I’d gotten wasted the night before, numbed myself with booze and the hands of another man. But now, in the orange dawn of the morning after, I felt everything I’d worked so hard not to.
Jamie was getting married.
He would never be my Jamie again.
I wasn’t supposed to still love him.
But I did.
• • •
“Later, B,” Mona said, shrugging on her chic leather jacket and pulling her long ponytail free from the neck of it. “Don’t stay at work too late on your last night before vacation.”
I stood up to stretch, rolling my eyes. “I hardly call this a vacation.”
“Hey. It’s like eighty degrees where you’re going. It’s thirty here. It’s a vacation, even if all you do is sit outside the airport.”
“I’ll send you a postcard from Terminal A.”
She narrowed her eyes but smiled. “Brat. Travel safe. See you next week.”
I waved, reaching my hands up high and cracking my neck before sitting back down at my desk. It was only five-thirty, still early as far as I was concerned, and even though I didn’t really have much left to tie up before I left, I wasn’t ready to leave just yet.
The truth was, I had become the master of avoiding in the seven months that had passed since the night Jamie called me with his big news. I’d gone back to business as usual, keeping myself busy and my mind off the wedding. Of course there was the dress I had to buy for the occasion, and the planning I had to do as his “Best Lady”, but other than the few things Angel left in my hands, I’d mostly avoided.
It wasn’t that I didn’t talk to Jamie, because I did, but I just didn’t allow myself to dwell on anything once we were off the phone. That was made easier by the nights I spent with River in my bed.
He was so different from Jamie.
It wasn’t that he was a good different, nor that he was a bad different — he just was. What we had was casual, and he never asked me to talk about it — to name it — to figure it out. We just worked like we always had, hung out in the same group like we always had, and occasionally, we fell into each other’s sheets. That was it. It was simple, and it was exactly what I needed. I was avoiding, and he was letting me.
Still, I felt it in his demeanor. The longer we went on like that, the more he wanted to ask the questions I was glad he wasn’t asking. I didn’t know how much longer I had until he asked them. I didn’t know what I would say when he did.
I managed to kill another hour before I turned on my out of office email and powered down my computer. I stood, stretching again, and jumped when River’s hands snuck up behind me and grabbed my waist.
“About time you got out of here.”
I looked around us as I spun to face him, making sure we were alone in the office. It wasn’t that it’d be an issue if we were together, more that neither of us wanted the unnecessary attention. “You know this is early for me.”
“Yeah, but tonight is an exception,” he reminded me, locking his fingers at the small of my back. We didn’t touch like this very often, opting more for the kind of touches that went with fucking for hours. But it was nice to be held that evening. River’s brows dropped, and he pulled me a little closer. “You ready for your big trip?”
“I think so.”
“You want to talk about it?”
Avoid avoid avoid.
“Nah, I think I’m good.” River pursed his lips and I swatted at his chest playfully, putting some space between us. “I’m serious.”
“Fine. Want to pass the hours between now and boarding time, then?” He licked his lower lip before settling with an easy grin. Any other night and I would have taken him up on the offer, but for some reason his insinuation made my skin crawl.
“I really need to pack, actually,” I said, grabbing my purse off my desk. We started walking together toward the elevator as I continued. “And sleep. Because Lord knows I won’t be getting much of that once my plane touches down.”
