Page 86 of Midnight Valentine
I adopt a solemn tone and try to sound as contrite as possible. “I’m sorry about that too. I’m very, truly, sincerely, utterly, and completely sorry—”
“Oh, for God’s sake, stop talking,” she interrupts crossly. “I accept your terrible apologies.” She sighs and changes the subject. “Have you eaten yet? I was thinking of doing brunch at Booger’s.”
“Actually, I was planning on running some errands. And, um…I wanted to ask you where someone lives.”
“Someone?” she repeats, laughing. “Gee, I wonder who it could be?”
“Please don’t bust my balls.”
“Sorry, that’s what ballbusters do. Have you heard from Theo since we last talked?”
When I don’t respond fast enough, Suzanne shrieks. “Wait—have you slept with him?”
It’s my turn to sound cross. “Why does your brain go right there? Seriously, you’re like a fifteen-year-old boy.”
“You did,” she says, a thrill in her voice. “Sweet baby Jesus in heaven, tell me everything!”
“No,” I say emphatically. “I will not.”
“Killjoy,” she mutters. Then, brightly, “Okay, how about this one thing—”
“I won’t tell you anything to do with his prowess in bed or the size of his penis.”
“What kind of a girlfriend are you? And who says ‘penis’? You sound like a doctor.”
“Can we please get back on topic?”
“Oh, you mean the topic of Theo’s home address?” she drawls. “That you don’t have but I do? That you would like me to give you? Without any reciprocity whatsoever?”
I huff out a breath. “Fine. I’ll tell you one thing.” When she squeals happily, I shake my head in disbelief. “Okay, let me think.” I close my eyes, trying to recall something that isn’t too revealing but will satisfy Suzanne’s horny streak. Instantly, I’m lost in memories of Theo’s eloquent eyes, his strong, possessive hands, his incredible intensity.
I murmur, “He’s so beautiful, it breaks my heart.”
At the top of her lungs, Suzanne shouts, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?”
I start to laugh, which only angers her more.
“You have GOT to give me SOMETHING here, Megan!” she hollers. “I haven’t gotten laid in about A HUNDRED YEARS, and I’m in no mood to listen to you chirping ‘penis’ this and ‘beautiful’ that like you’re a damn VIRGIN on her HONEYMOON! How big is the man’s DICK?”
I have to answer through my laughter. “It’s enormous. It’s big, brawny, and works like a champ. Satisfied?”
She starts muttering under her breath about shitty friends and the unfairness of life and various other things until I interrupt her tirade.
“Just give me the address, Suzanne. Please.”
“How are you sleeping together and you don’t know where he lives?”
I think about how to answer that. “We, um, actually…it never came up.”
She grouses, “Right. Because you were too busy having incredible, mind-blowing sex that you selfishly won’t share details of with your girlfriend.”
“Suzanne. The address. Please.”
“Wait a minute, I have more questions!”
I mutter, “Of course you do.”
“The last I heard, Theo had left town—because of you, I might add—but then within the space of a week, he’s back and in your pants? How did this happen? What am I missing here?”
