Page 27 of Baby by Mistake (Beautiful Mistakes 2)

He also wasn’t wrong that I had a certain pride over his reaction to me. It wasn’t just that he’d get hard, but also the storm of desire that would brew in his dark eyes when he saw me. It made me feel beautiful and powerful.

But now I realized that it was mean to keep pushing when he’d been clear from the first day he used his dildo on me, he didn’t want this. He didn’t want to want me. His company and his friendship with my father were more important than me. It was time to face facts.

I swallowed. “I’m sorry, Sebastian.” The heat of humiliation grew as I realized I had been throwing myself at him like a foolish schoolgirl. “I didn’t realize—”

“Yes, you did, Leah.” He didn’t let off. “Don’t pull the naïve innocent girl with me. You know your assets and you like to use them. You especially liked using them against me by letting Niall take risqué pictures of you and grind you on at the party.”

I shook my head even though he wasn’t totally wrong. I had wanted to make him jealous of Niall. “No. Not against you. I… like you… I want you.” I didn’t want to tell him that I cared for him because I was sure that would close him up faster than my trying to seduce him.

“Well stop.” He closed his robe.

I didn’t realize tears were falling on my face until his demeanor changed.

“Fuck Leah, don’t cry.” He scrapped a hand over his face. “Don’t you see? I can’t afford you.”

“I understand. Your business and my father are more important.”

“Shit, don’t say it like that.” He opened his door. “Come in. I’ll get you a drink.”

I hesitated because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what he might say. But I wasn’t ready to walk out into the New York night crying either.

I stepped inside his apartment and then followed him to the living area. He had a wonderfully large window overlooking the city. I was drawn to it, the way the lights reflected in it and in the room.

“I’ve got wine, scotch, and more scotch.”

“Water.”

He nodded at the couch. “Have a seat.”

I perched on the edge of the cushion, not wanting to get too comfortable. He came back a minute later with a glass of water.

He remained standing as he looked down on me. “All I seem to do is hurt you, Leah. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why you chose me or why you’d still want me.”

“You sell yourself short.” I sipped the water, hoping it would dislodge the lump in my throat. I was embarrassed feeling like a silly school girl.

“I am what I am.”

I looked up at him wondering if he really believed that. I could see that he did, but it also didn’t sit right with him. Like he wished he could be different.

“I see more.”

His eyes closed and I couldn’t tell if he savored my words or was bothered by them. Perhaps a bit of both.

“I’m not naïve, Sebastian, but I suppose my inexperience blinded me to the reality that this was all just sex to you.”

His jaw tensed.

“And I can see that it torments you. You see me as a school girl intern, daughter of your friend, and a potential sexual misconduct case.”

He turned away.

“I knew this. The signs were there. I mean, you’ve never kissed me. I’m inexperienced, but even I know that must mean something, right?”

“Jesus.” He turned and walked to the window. He looked down at his drink, downed it, and stared into the night. “You tie me in knots, Leah.”

I swallowed. “I’m sorry for that.” I stood, realizing that it was time to cut my losses. I’d gotten what I’d wanted from him. It had cost me my dignity, but it had cost him too. Perhaps I was a foolish school girl.

He let out a long sigh. “This is why you should have found someone else. Someone who’d have shown you tenderness. You deserve to be kissed and savored. I’m having a difficult time knowing your first time was the opposite of that.”

I set my glass on the coffee table and walked to stand next to him at the window. “I don’t regret anything.” Was it all I’d hoped it would be? The pleasure exceeded my expectations. But he was right that there wasn’t affection or tenderness. “I feel bad that I’ve put you in a difficult position. That it torments you. I’ll respect your wishes and stay out of your way.” I started to turn away.

“Kissing is too intimate.”

His words stopped me. I didn’t say anything. Instead I waited to see if he elaborated.

He turned his head to look at me. His eyes were stormy, a visual representation of the torment I put him through.

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