Page 3 of Be Careful What You Wish For

Then his arms opened wide and she fell into his loving embrace. He held her tight. She felt warm and snug and safe. They were strange feelings given the life she had led... stranger yet because of the kind of life she was entering. And yet it all seemed so natural, so right for her. Like coming home.

Finally they lay together, spent.

He watched the lids fall over her eyes, listened to her even breathing, and pulled the quilt up around her, snuggling her into his side. In his hands was the leash he had attached to cuffs around her wrists, holding her hands together, making her his even in sleep. Then he too slept, certain in the knowledge that finally he had found his Prize.

The Journey Begins

‘Hey, Abi... wait. You’re always in such a hurry to get away these days.’

Abi slowed her pace reluctantly to wait for Nikki to come alongside.

‘I’m late for an appointment over the other side of town. What’s up?’ She resented this intrusion on her thoughts.

‘Well, your contract is almost done here. Have you got anything planned? Anywhere to move on to with regards work?’

Abi sighed. She didn’t need this now. ‘I’ve been filling in application forms for weeks, but I don’t have another job to go to yet.’

‘Well, you could do worse than staying on with us and moving into another position. You know Boss would be happy; there’s always a place somewhere for you. That would save you having to find anywhere new at all.’

She knew what Boss wanted, only too well. And she deserved better. For three years he’d taken the credit for what she’d achieved, pushing his name forward instead of her own, using her ideas, her words, her plans. Now her contract was almost complete he needed her to turn her attentions in another direction, passing her on into a field that was flagging in the hope she would raise its profile, and his into the bargain.

Abi looked at her watch, quickening her pace. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. But... I’ll keep you posted.’ She pushed open the outer door leading to the car park, and was soon through the barrier, snug in her Nissan, away out of sight of the building with Nikki standing looking after her.

She knew Nikki would report to Boss. She also realised she’d be hounded, goaded, coaxed and cajoled until she could positively say she had somewhere else to go. Boss badly needed her services, which she wasn’t prepared to give, not any more. Besides, it wasn’t just her. Other staff were leaving. Moving on. Even those who’d worked there for years were having second thoughts. He wasn’t a manager. Bickering and gossip were rife amongst staff. He only fuelled the fire by setting one person up against another. In failing to meet his targets his organisation was losing money hand over fist. Questions were being asked in high places. She didn’t intend to put her own reputation on the line, to be a part of their downfall, or on the other hand, sign another contract while they all somehow struggled through another year with no guarantees at the end.

Abi spurred the Nissan through a network of roads, dropping in to speak to people in three local meeting places before heading home. All her working life had been about meeting the needs of different groups in various parts of the country. She was used to evenings and weekends taken up helping a young homeless person find a place to stay, coordinating exhibitions, promoting awareness of local issues and problems, creating newsletters, listening and supporting whenever and wherever needed.

Her whole life, it seemed, had been about service to others. She was well-liked, well-respected, relied upon by people in authority as well as those on the street. Was it so wrong to want for herself the same kind of service she had given others?

As she put the key in the lock to open the front door she was once more filled with the familiar sense of longing, loneliness, desire. She was proud of her home. She’d built it up out of almost nothing, decorated the interior and created a patio in the garden to enjoy her efforts outside. But without anyone to share it, where was the life and the love that would make it come alive, to give that warmth of knowing she really was home?

For moments she stood gazing out the window, watching the rosebuds raise their heads and open petals to the heat of the sun. Oh how much she could give to The One who might love and fulfil her need.

She remembered suddenly why she’d wanted so badly to return home. Pausing to flick the switch on the kettle she skipped up the stairs to the Den, and kicked the computer into life. While it was starting up she changed hastily out of work clothes and into jog trousers and baggy jumper, went back down to the kitchen to make a mug of coffee, and eagerly trod the stairs again, closing the door of the Den, to position herself in front of the screen.

Her finger clicked the mouse, scrolling through pages to the one she sought. Frantic now she scanned the In Box, desperate for a positive response to her mail.

She’d found the site a few months ago, and researched the subject well. Now, armed with newfound knowledge, she was impatient to put theory into practice and test if it was right for her.

Before moving on to the replies she read once more the letter she’d posted, conscious it could be read by anyone in the world.

I am new to this, so please be patient with me.

I’m a newly-discovered sub. Not realising I am submissive actually made me a victim through a lifetime of destructive and controlling relationships where I was dominated, controlled and ruled by fear. It is therefore with some surprise that I am only just admitting to discovering within a deep aching need to be controlled and dominated and to be submissive... but with love, and within a safe, protective, trusting, understanding environment.

I thought I was asking the impossible, until I happened upon this site. It is with some trepidation therefore that I take this first tentative step towards understanding this hidden ‘dark side’ of me, and just where it might lead.

To me this is not a game. I come with emotional baggage, fears and phobias resulting from a violent past. I have been trained to be obedient. I am used to being so open as to make myself vulnerable. My only fear is being hurt and having my trust betrayed over again.

I am not addicted to pain as some on this site seem to be, but only wish to give, to please, to be of service and to have someone else take control, with my best interests at heart. My character is one of submission. I wish only to be accepted just the way I am and to be allowed to be the person I am in safety.

I feel a growing need to be with someone who can learn alongside me, working with me, developing and growing and learning to fly beyond what is... to what could be, together.

I value your comments, suggestions and shared thoughts and feelings.

Pandora

She had thought long and hard about the right name to use. It seemed appropriate. She’d opened a new email box especially for any response.

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