Page 26 of Starlee's Hope (The Wayward Sons 4)

“Starlee.”

I look up. She’s staring at me and there’s no doubt she’s pissed but trying so hard to keep it under control. “What?”

“I’ve tried to keep my distance on this. Let you take the lead and make your own decisions, but I get the feeling you’re just avoiding it all.”

“I’m not avoiding anything.”

“Then what’s going on?”

I look at my hands, then up at my mom, then back down at my hands. “I’m just not sure what I want to do.”

“You mean what school to go to? Is that what this is about? Emory?” She takes a step forward. “I know it’s a really hard school to get in and with the disruption this last year your GPA may have taken a slight hit, but I think you still have a shot. I mean, your test scores are great. I talked to your counselor and—"

“Stop.”

She blinks. “What?”

“Stop talking about it. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“We have to talk about it. The applications are due, like, tomorrow.”

“I don’t care.” But that’s a lie. I do care. Too much. So much it’s overwhelming. My heart pounds in my chest and my hands get sweaty. I feel the anxiety creeping up my spine.

“How can you not care? It’s college. We’ve talked about this for years.”

“No, Mom. You’ve talked about it. You’re the one that thinks Emory is a good choice, that public health is a great career. You’re the one that has eyes on me getting a federal job—of living some life that’s…” I realize I’m pacing, running my hands through my hair. The emotions I’m feeling are so familiar. So raw.

“Starlee, I’m not suggesting you do anything we haven’t talked about before.”

“No. This is what you’ve always talked about. I just listened and obeyed and now that I have a small shred of autonomy, I have no idea what to do with it. I can’t make a decision to save my life. Every option feels like it’s too much. Like there’s too many choices. Too many ways to fail.”

She gives me a hard look. “Is that what’s going on with the boys? The fact you seem to be dating all of them? Because you can’t make a decision?”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“You think that question is unreasonable, because I’ve kept my mouth shut about it. I love those boys—they’re amazing—but what you’ve got going on with them…it’s not normal.”

“No,” I say, backing up to the door, “you do not get to decide what’s normal here. You’re the one that tucked me away from the real world. Made every decision for me and stripped away my ability to make friends and handle my own life. I came here and changed all of that. You don’t get to question my actions.”

I turn and walk out the door before she has a chance to say anything else. I’d thought she’d changed when she came back but it was just a trick—a clever play to get me to let down my guard so she could get me back on path she’d wanted all along.

I go to the Wayward Sun because I’m stressed. When I’m stressed, I want something sweet, and I know for a fact Dexter’s plans for the day involved test runs for the icing on LeeLee and Tom’s wedding cake.

I need some of that icing.

I find him surrounded by bowls of creamy sugar, each a different color than the next. There’s a process here, I’m sure.

“Do you need a taster?” I ask strolling in the room.

“You’re like a gift from the heavens, do you know that?”

He hands me a bowl of fluffy white icing. I take a bite and groan. “Oh my god, perfection.” I lick the spoon. “Next?”

He hands me one after the other, a small smile on his lips as I lick each spoon. It’s so sugary, so sweet, but I need something to dull the pain of the altercation with my mom. Dexter’s no fool, because after six bowls he leans against the counter, crosses his arms over his chest and asks, “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“My mom was pestering me about college.”

“Isn’t it about time to turn in your applications?”

---