Page 86 of Reason to Believe (White Lace 2)

“I know that none of this can really make someone happy. I know none of this is real, but it’s what you want, and I want to give you everything you’ve ever wanted, Grace.”

Tears welled in my eyes, and with a single blink they cascaded down my cheeks.

“I could make a thousand excuses of why we shouldn’t be together. But I think that damn cat knew as soon as we walked into your apartment that there was a reason we were together.”

“You did all this because of Arnold Schwarzenegger?”

The cat, of course, not the actor.

Ben didn’t get it. He didn’t get all of the reasons why a relationship between us wouldn’t work. He didn’t get why I’d wanted the happily ever after. He was letting the finicky actions of a cat make his decision about wanting to be with me.

“Not because of the cat, the cat just knew…” He blew out a heavy breath and pulled his hair off his face with both hands. “I’m not good at this.”

“Ben, I appreciate what you’re doing, but I can only take it at face value. When things got tough, you thought the worst of me. How do you expect us to move forward when you can’t bring yourself to trust me?”

“I do trust you,” he blurted, reaching out and clasping his fingers around my bicep. The armor clinked and forced my eyes away from his face. I was happy for the buffer.

“Ben, you don’t really want to be with me,” I said, shaking my head, my eyes focused on the ground. “I look good from a distance and I’ve learned how to make myself look better than I truly am. But I have no job. I have zero prospects. My savings are dwindling. And you’d have to start going to the gym regularly to build up your strength if you intend on hitting every man that might recognize me.”

He stood straighter. “I don’t have a problem with that. I’ll defend you until the day I die.”

He was softening me. But I couldn’t cave. I had to stick with my plan of moving forward alone. It was the only way to minimize exposure.

“Everyone has baggage, Grace. Ours is a little heavier than others’, but it’s all the same.”

“I can’t risk it.” I jerked out of his grip and turned away. “You work in porn. You’re going to have a target on your back forever and it only opens me up to harder scrutiny and—”

“What if I said I wasn’t going to work in porn anymore?”

“Wha…?”

How was that possible? He was practically in charge of a multimillion-dollar company. Why would he give that up?

He walked around and once again faced me. “Hirsh is selling White Lace. Just another thing to add to the I-owe-the-Levins-everything column. I have the chance to start over, and I’m going back to school.”

“You are?” I looked at him through watery eyes.

He nodded. “Professor Hughes and I worked out an arrangement. I’m going to be a teaching assistant in her classes, but I can still enroll in others.”

He was taking a chance. On himself. Moving forward with trying to build a future doing something he loved. He might not have it all figured out, but at least he had a plan. “I don’t know what to say.” But just because he didn’t work in porn didn’t solve the problem of Ben not being able to commit.

“It’s decision time, Grace. Your prince rode up on his white horse. Slayed the dragon. Rescued you from the tower. And now he’s ready to ride you off into the sunset, to his very non-castle-like house in the middle of nowhere on a lake with a pool and the greatest selection of DVD’s ever collected.” I went to speak, but he pressed his finger against my lips, preventing me from answering. “Your prince has also forsaken all others.”

How did he know?

“I’m aware I’ve always given the impression that I’m not a one-woman man.”

I shot him a look of mock disbelief.

“Well, I wasn’t a one-woman man, but you changed that. Even if you walk out of here alone and never give me the time of day again, it would still all be worth it. Because you opened my eyes to love. I didn’t know what it was at first, but I couldn’t stop it from happening. I couldn’t deny it…I just didn’t know how to do it.”

I went to speak, but once again he silenced me.

“When you didn’t show up, you shattered me into a million pieces.”

I felt fucking awful about walking out on him, and I probably always would.

“But you forced me to realize that I couldn’t love you until I figured out how to love myself, how to be all right with the man I was. And now I know the man I want to be. And it’s all because of you.”

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