Page 63 of Recipe for Temptation (Madewood Brothers 4)

Not until he was a teenager did Vivian find him and show him love. But that love also came with an expiration date. She had died much too young, much too early in his life. It had been a hard lesson, having the only love you’ve ever known ripped away from you.

And he wasn’t making that mistake again.

“It’s a lovely story, isn’t it?” he mocked. “Poor Cole, taken away from his own mother after too many years of neglect. Poor Cole, even his own mother didn’t love him enough to straighten up. How can I expect anyone to love me, to put me first, when my own mother couldn’t even do it?”

He stood defiantly, shielding himself behind the impenetrable wall he kept between him and the rest of the world. Penn had chipped away at it all week, and if he had been any weaker, he might have let her kick it down completely. But what purpose would that serve? Without the barrier, he was a black hole of darkness, capable of pulling everyone into the chaos with him.

So he steeled his emotions. Slammed them down, once again, under lock and key. Never to be toyed with again.

Finally, Penn spoke. “Vivian Madewood loved you. Like you were her own child.”

He nodded sadly. “And I loved Vivian. I loved everything about her. She was caring, humble, and most of all, forgiving. She forgave me every time I lashed out and made her feel like shit.” He look into Penn’s eyes. “Kind of like with you, Penn. Don’t you see? That’s all I know how to do—lash out and reject, make others feel worthless. Because that’s all I am.”

More tears streamed down Penn’s face. “You’re the furthest thing from worthless, Cole. Please…” She whispered his name over and over, shaking her head.

It killed him. Her pain. He knew with every breath she ached for him. He wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around her, feel her embrace him, and surround him with her love and her goodness. More than anything he wanted to hear her whisper that he meant something, anything, to her, and that everything would be all right.

But he kept his hands at his sides. Because even if she might care, she didn’t care enough to change anything. Even Penn couldn’t fix him.

And he loved her too much to put her through the inevitable.

It was true. Everything he’d done for her this week was because he loved her. He knew that now. She probably deserved to know that he loved her. But more than that, she deserved to know there was no future between them.

“It’s best if we just go back to the way things were before we came here.” He took a deep breath. “We’re coworkers. Friends, I guess. That’s it.”

She choked out a sob. “Please,” she cried, reaching for him, but he pulled away.

He had to be strong.

“You don’t want to be promoted because you’re sleeping around the company, and I don’t want my personal life, past or present, splashed around the tabloids.”

Reporters were ruthless. Cunning. They’d posted a sex tape of his brother online, for fuck’s sake. He couldn’t risk the world finding out how he’d grown up, speculating and reading into his relationships to see if his past carried into his present. He loved her, but right now, the thought of his past being public knowledge scared him more than the thought of losing her.

She collapsed against the bike, wrapping her arms around herself.

He had to walk past her on his way to the door. When his arm brushed hers, he lowered his head and whispered, “When you go back to your room and look in the mirror, remember who it was that crushed your beautiful spirit. Remember that the next time you think you and I would ever be a good idea.”

With a heavy breath, and an ache in his heart too profound for words, he walked away. Just as the memories of his past haunted him, he’d carry the heartbreaking sound of her sobbing with him for the rest of his life.

Chapter Fifteen

Penn stared at the empty closet in Cole’s hotel room. She’d convinced a maid to let her in, pretending there was an emergency.

But there was no emergency. Just the sick, heavy lump of regret that had settled in her stomach.

She’d needed some time to collect her thoughts after he’d laid the truth at her feet. Apparently, it was just enough time for him to pack his bags and leave without a good-bye.

His past had been worse than she’d ever imagined. As long as she lived, she’d never forget the sight of him standing in that gym. For such a solid man, broad shoulders and tall frame, he had shrunk into himself. It was the moment he walked out on her that she realized she loved him. Or it was the moment she was brave enough to accept it, because she’d probably always loved him.

But how he grew up and where he came from didn’t matter to her. She knew he had a dark side. She knew he’d had a difficult childhood, and she had loved him anyway. For the boy he’d been. For the man he’d become.

They had finally crossed that invisible line. The one where he lowered his defensive walls and let her in. But as soon as he’d told her everything, he’d built them right back up, stronger and thicker than ever.

Now he was gone.

And it was all her fault.

She couldn’t live like this anymore, letting her fears control her. She raced out of his room toward the elevator and down through the lobby to find her family.

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