Page 15 of Love after Marriage

Deepak nodded.

Roshni wiped her tears. “You mentioned you were not ready for this marriage.”

Deepak nodded in affirmation.

“Did you not want to marry at this time, or did you not want to marry me?”

Deepak felt thunderstruck. He was unsure what Roshni was trying to ask him. “Does that make a difference? Why do you ask?”

“Yes, it does. Your logic to not get married at this time and your views on love marriage are in alignment.” She thought for a moment and continued, “However, if you did not want to marry me, that tells me something else.”

Deepak interrupted her. “Like what?”

“Is it possible you are interested in somebody else, or…?” She wanted to ask him if he was already married but hesitated.

This was a big jolt to Deepak; he never anticipated such a question from Roshni. He had heard she was very honest and open, but to ask this question directly needed some courage, and she definitely had it. He was put on the spot. He was in a dilemma to answer her. He had already caused much suffering to Roshni, and he did not want to lie to her anymore. He struggled internally, not knowing how to communicate his feelings to her. There was a delay in his response, and his silence spoke volumes to her.

Are my suspicions right? Does he have a girlfriend, or is he already married? she thought.

Roshni repeated insistently, “Deepak, are you interested in somebody else, and is that why you felt forced into this marriage?”

“NO,” responded Deepak emphatically. “I was not ready to get into a relationship with a stranger.”

Although his relationship with Karen meant nothing, he felt he needed to be honest with Roshni. He sighed. “Roshni, I will share all the details, and all I ask is please allow me to finish. I know you feel offended and you are angry at me, and…and you have every right to be angry, but please listen to what I have to say,” he pleaded.

He hoped for some patience and understanding from her, but she was already very agitated. She tried to be calm and wanted to know the details from Deepak and sincerely hoped he was telling the truth. She nodded. “I am listening, please continue.”

“I wanted to pursue a relationship with a girl in the US, and I came here to discuss this with Sashank bhaiya and–” He stopped abruptly.

Roshni was shocked. What!

“Yes, she is an American and works with me, but we never socialized together. I do not know any other details about her, as a person I liked her, and that is all! Keep in mind this was just a thought at that time.” He hesitated. “And I hoped to talk to Sashank bhaiya about her and then proceed to get to know her better.”

Roshni listened intently to Deepak.

“Sashank bhaiya does not believe in love marriages so the topic of this girl never even occurred with him. We discussed compatibility in love marriages and arranged marriages.” Deepak paused; he recollected his conversations with Sashank bhaiya. “Whatever I said about love marriages bothered Sashank bhaiya, and I could not say anything more.”

Deepak continued looking at Roshni. “He is so impressed with you, and he thought you were the right person for me! I guess he knows you enough that he felt both of us will have great compatibility and a happy married life.” Deepak waited to see if Roshni had any questions, but there was no response from her.

He continued, “So it had nothing to do with this girl or with you. I was not sure of getting wedded to a stranger.” He moved a step closer to her. “I even suggested to Sashank bhaiya that we could get engaged now and get married later, but because of the VISA formalities, this idea was opposed as well.”

He was lost in thought again, recollecting the conversations he’d had with Sashank bhaiya.

Roshni heard him talk, but she lost respect for Deepak and could not confide in him. Nothing mattered now. Both were quiet, lost in thought. A few minutes later, Roshni wiped her tears and looked at Deepak. “So, Deepak…where do we go from here?”

Deepak was muddled; his mind went blank. He was aware he’d hurt Roshni’s feelings. He respected her and certainly had not intended to torment her, but the entire conversation turned out to be catastrophic. He’d inflicted enough pain and decided to remain silent.

Roshni felt miserable and betrayed. She could not control her tears, and they trickled down her cheeks. She started taking off her jewelry in disappointment. She was in a daze. Some of this jewelry fell on the floor, and some was on the corner of the table adjacent to the couch. She did not pay much attention, and finally she removed the bracelets that Sashank had gifted her, welcoming her into the family. These two bracelets slid from the table and were about to fall when Deepak stepped forward and caught them before they fell to the floor…a symbol of hope; would he hold onto the marriage?

Roshni regained her composure and wiped her tears. “Deepak, I feel humiliated and am deeply troubled. I feel belittled. I am a very open and honest person and certainly expected the same from you.”

She cried and, with a voice trembling with outrage, said, “I believe two qualities that are absolutely essential for any relationship and very true of husband and wife are trust and commitment. Affection, love and compromise come as we move on. I entered this relationship with full confidence in you and your family, and was fully devoted to making this relationship work.”

She looked at him. “I believe in arranged marriages and love after marriage. I may seem conservative in my thoughts, but…but it is obvious both of us differ in these philosophies. It was your mistake entirely not to discuss any of this with Sashank bhaiya or me.”

She took a deep breath. Deepak began to see some of Roshni’s personality traits again. He looked at her and secretly admired how well articulated she was in communicating her feelings; she was so mature!

She was enraged and bore strength from her anger. “After hearing all that you said in the past several minutes, I have lost all faith and confidence in you,” she snapped at him and grabbed her change of clothes from the suitcase and walked to the bathroom.

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