He looks tired, but I put up a front until Agnes blurts out.
“I’ll leave you guys to it then.”
She rushes out of the door. I wish I could do the same, one thing for sure. He’s not going to get around me.
Not this time. That’s for sure.
Chapter 19
Christian
When Scott died unexpectedly I felt like a lost soul; I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’m just walking around in circles on the road to nowhere. And somehow I just end up on a flight to Kansas. The realization that I needed to say that I was sorry to Isobel hit home. I didn’t expect her to take me back, but I wanted her to at least listen to me. Then again, I didn’t deserve that either.
“Your mom’s nice,” I smile, but I can tell that she’s not buying it. As she’s too busy probably trying to come up with ways to run out of the door as her friend.
“Was that Agnes?”
“Look, Christian, if you came round here trying to look for sympathy then you’ve come to the wrong place.”
I deserve that, I was a shit to her and my silence probably hasn’t helped either. She probably thinks that I’ve come here to have sex. But I haven’t.
“No, I didn’t come for that. I came to tell you that I don’t buy roses. I can’t promise that we’ll get married. I’m not Leo.”
She’s not even looking at me, but I haven’t slept, and I don’t want to pretend that I’m something that I’m not.
“I don’t sit and talk about my feelings. Shit, I can’t even promise that I’ll officially be walking you up the aisle.”
She laughs, “So why did you come here? So far you’ve told me that you couldn't do any of the things that I want. Didn’t you realize that I’m the kind of girl that wants love in their life.”
She’s right; I’m out of my league. I buried my cousin, and I’m fucking grieving. Acting as if I’m the victim. Scott was dying, and he was a lot braver than I’ll ever be. Then something inside me feels as if it’s going to fall apart as I move to the sofa. I should have been running out of the door.
I blurt out as I sit down, “I just buried my cousin.”
She shakes her head, “You don’t speak to your family. You don’t speak to anyone.”
I can’t believe that it’s fucking happening, but I have a tear in my eye.
“I know until he stalked me.”
“That must have been interesting.”
She’s sitting next to me with her arms crossed, I know that she’s feeling defensive, but all I feel is weak.
“Well, what do you want Christian?”
I nod, “Just a moment of your time.”
“Why?”
I drop my head back, and then I look at her and take her hands, “I can’t promise you the earth, but I do promise one thing. That I’ll try and change. Which for a man like me is fucking difficult.”
“Tell me about it,” she says under her breath.
“I’m not coming back to work for you.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Christian, I’m not fucking you either.”