Page 49 of Light Up My Life (Forbidden Heat 3)

I wasn’t sure where that thought came from, but the moment it happened I knew I cared about Lance. I’d tried to fight my feelings because they didn’t line up with my agenda, but that was something you could not ignore. Those feelings were real. They were not going away any time soon either. It was not going to be easy to just pack it up and leave this man. I was seriously going to miss him, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to handle that.

What was I doing? Was I sure I was doing the right thing? Kayley really got me thinking. She was good at that. Somehow she was able to pry my brain open and make me think that I could really just drop all of my plans, my dreams, and everything that I thought really mattered to me, and let this man I barely knew sweep me off my feet. She was right in some ways, but was it the best option for me?

I kept playing through the different scenarios in my head, going back and forth on this thing. How had I let myself get put into such a predicament?

Would Lance be willing to do a long-distance relationship? I was sure he would have, but I didn’t think it would work. If anything, it would only strain our relationship until we didn’t even like each other. If we did it this way, we didn’t have to carry a bunch of drama and baggage around with us. We should cut things off nice and clear. That was what I wanted.

I’d made the decision that I was taking the job playing ball, and I would worry about how things might affect Lance later. I didn’t know if we were totally over, but it wasn’t looking too good. The thought of not being with him filled me with sadness, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through it.

I was on the verge of tears, and I had to stop jogging. I didn’t even know where I was at first. I found myself pacing back and forth on a side street. I was about six blocks from home. My home… it wasn’t going to be my home for much longer. That was the other thing. I was also leaving my friends. I would have to start all over with a brand new group of people, most of them teammates. I would have to leave Kayley and Susie behind. They were my dearest friends. We were like sisters. I hadn’t even talked to Susie. Dammit, why was this so hard? Everything was trying to keep me here.

I was practically bawling now as I stood there pacing back and forth. I wanted to get out of here and never look back. The downside was that this made everything hard at first, but then it would get easier over time. I was certain that it would eventually be right. I was making the right choice. No matter what decision I made, I was going to wonder what if. That was just the way it was. I was going to be upset and living with a voice in the back of my head asking me if I was sure that this was what I wanted. I would have to get used to controlling that voice and getting through things.

I wiped the tears away and jogged back home. As I jogged my feet began to pick up more speed until I was sprinting down the street as fast as I could with tears streaming down my face.

But a strange thing started to happen when I got closer to home. I started to feel the tears slowing down and the grief I

felt was being replaced with determination and a willingness to go the extra mile, to do what I had to do no matter how much I didn’t want to do it.

I was going to outrun all of my demons and never let them win. Whatever happened, wherever the chips fell, I was going to do this. I was going to play ball. If this thing with Lance and me was going to work, then it was going to happen naturally. I was not going to force it to happen and I would not put my life on hold waiting for it.

When I arrived back home, I took a shower and then I started packing. By the time I finished the bulk of it, those energy levels within me were shifting. I was beginning to realize that I was doing the right thing, or rather my mind had accepted that I was doing what I was doing, and that was all there was to it.

I was going to go play ball. Every time I thought about it, I got more excited. It was the thing that I had always wanted to do since I was a young child. It was my biggest dream and I wished so much that my parents were still here to see me play. I would be playing for them. I knew that wherever they were, they would be watching me and cheering me on.

I really wished that my mother and father could give me advice right about now. I hugged myself tightly as I drifted off to sleep in my warm bed.

Tomorrow I would be moving on to my new life.

Chapter Seventeen

Lance

One Month Later

I sat down in the stands without anyone really noticing me. There were a lot of people there watching the softball game for their hometown team, the Cleveland Comets. It was a beautiful, sunny day without cloud in the sky. The air was a perfect seventy-three degrees. It felt wonderful to be out on this Saturday afternoon at the ballpark. I was enjoying myself far more than I thought I would be.

I’d decided the night before that I would make the nearly four hour drive up to Cleveland. It was a long drive, but an easy one. I didn’t see why one of us couldn’t make this drive once a week and we could spend a day or two together. It was more or less Kat’s choice, and I was letting her have her space. For the past month, I’d barely contacted her except for the occasional text. She had no idea I was going to be here today. I would just watch the game and speak with Kat afterwards. I wondered if she’d be mad that I had come up without telling her. I hoped not, but if she was, that would tell me a lot more about whether or not she really had written me off and wanted to move on with her life without me.

I sat there as the game got started. Kat was actually pitching today as a starter, which I’d read on the team’s website. I’d been following how they were doing, how Kat was performing, and even how she was batting. She had quickly established herself as a star player. Her skills were improving with every single game. I was so impressed with her. And the more athletic she became, the sexier she became somehow. The other girls on the team seemed to be getting along with her fairly well. I imagined that Becky Davis, one of the other pitchers was a bit miffed about not playing more. But Kat was the real deal. She was clearly the best player on the team. She was an amazing pitcher with a wide range of great pitches, as well as a strong fastball which had increased speed about seven miles per hour since her first game. She was a strong hitter who had slugged three home runs, a slew of RBI’s, and she’d filled in at short stop a few times where she’d made some outstanding plays there as well.

As the game got underway, Kat was in rare form. She struck out the first three batters. Then when she was up to bat in the number four position, the cleanup spot, she hit a double to the fence and brought in the leadoff hitter who had popped base hit through the infield.

The next inning, Kat struck those three batters out as well. She didn’t give up even a touch on the ball until the fourth inning when the other team’s best hitter had tagged a breaking ball that didn’t break as much as it should have and hit a line drive to third base. She should have gotten it, but somehow the teammate at third base bobbled the thing. That was a base hit on error. Sometimes that happened.

Kat struck out the next batter so, it wasn’t a huge mistake. Then Kat hit a three-run homer that inning. Her team ended up winning six to zero and Kat had what should have been a no hitter, except for that stupid error.

As the stands were emptying and the players were congratulating each other on a game well-played, I walked over to where Kat would be sure to walk past me. She almost didn’t see me since she was talking to a teammate and they were joking about something.

“Kat,” I said loudly.

She jerked her head towards the sound of my voice and her eyes grew wide. At first, I wasn’t sure if she was happy or nervous that I had showed up. But when she threw up that big, wide smile I knew that she was excited that I had come to see her. She quickly jogged over and wrapped her arms around me. It felt so good to be with her again. She was wearing a now dirty uniform, but I barely even noticed. She looked amazing. I had missed this for so long.

“What are you doing here? I can’t believe it,” Kat said.

“Well, I came to see you play,” I said. “I had to see you in action. Great game.”

“It was alright,” she said. “I wished I’d had a chance to bat more, but we weren’t cracking the bats that well.”

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