Page 50 of Slow Burn (Forbidden Heat 2)

“Hi, I’m Courtney,” she said extending her hand.

“I’m Shelly,” I replied.

“I just wanted to welcome you to the team.”

“Thanks. I’m excited to be here.”

“So, do you have much experience in advertising?” she asked. I had the feeling that I should have stopped to talk to her, but I was busy and eager to get to work so I kept walking. She could talk as I walked if she wanted to. I got the impression that she was not used to being viewed on such equal footing, especially by a newbie.

“No, not really,” I said. “But I decided to give it my best shot.”

“Wow, that’s an interesting approach,” she replied. I could hear a slight bit of disdain in her voice. I took an instant disliking to her and I could tell that feeling was mutual. She was an alpha female trying to make sure I knew my place, which told me she was already threatened by me. I’d seen the way a few of the men around the office had looked at me. I was kind of used to it. The fact that I’ve always been attractive to men has never been lost on me. It was just one of those things that I was blessed with, but I never paid too much attention to.

I didn’t respond to her with anything more than a nod and a smile. She continued. “Well, I do have to warn you that this place can be a bit rough on the new people. Don’t take it personally if they don’t accept any of your initial ideas. That really is just par for the course. You will get there.”

I smiled easily. I almost laughed in her face. This woman was really trying to lay it on thick, wasn’t she? Hilarious. “Oh, I think I’ll be fine.”

“Well, if there is anything you need, just let me know,” she replied.

I ignored her and went into my office closing the door behind me. I could just imagine how flustered Courtney was by the fact that I’d just basically shut the door in her face. It felt good. I wanted to rip that smug little smirk off her face. How insecure could one woman be? I’d never cared for any sort of office politics or game playing like this. I didn’t understand the point. That was one of the best things about being a firefighter. I never had to think about crap like that. But I was in a different world now.

“Sounds like that bitch has a stick up her ass,” Lucy said that night after I told her about my day.

“I think you might be on to something,” I replied. “She might purposely try to give me some sort of trouble. That’s what I’m worried about anyway. I just started there and already I have an enemy. What in the hell?”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said as she placed another slice of pizza on her plate. We’d decided to order from a place called Danny’s and I was very impressed with it. I loved a good pizza, and lately fatty, greasy foods had tasted better for me than they ever had before. I guessed I had a fast food junkie for a child on my hands. It was fun to think about. My child… what would this sweet angel really be like? I couldn’t wait. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to know the baby’s sex. I thought it would be better to just be surprised.

“I’m trying not to, but it is unnerving. I just started there and already some stupid woman is gunning for me. I’m not sure whether to just ignore her or just tell her off and show her who I really am.”

“Well, that might be an extreme way to handle it right now. You are the new person. I think you handled it the right way by ignoring it. That’s the best way for now. Eventually, when you have a bit of clout and a bit of time under your belt, then if need be you can get firm with the bitch.”

“I think you’re right,” I said. I grabbed another slice of the pizza.

“So, have you talked to Gary?” Lucy asked.

“No. I’m not going to. As I explained, I really can’t talk to him. I feel that this is the best thing. But you don’t agree?”

Lucy paused before answering. She looked over at me and sighed, resting her hands on the couch, she twisted her body to look over at me. “No, I don’t agree,” she said. “I actually think you need to be real with him and talk to him. Now, I love having you here. I love that we are able to catch up and it is so nice having someone to actually talk to. I’ve lived alone for way too long. I was on the verge of turning into one of those weird cat ladies, but I do think that keeping this baby from him and just taking off the way you did is really wrong. He sounds like a great guy and he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way.”

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I cleared my throat and sighed. Shit. She had a good point, but I’d thought about this long and hard. I was determined to stick to my guns here. “I know. He is a wonderful man. That’s precisely why I’m doing this. I just don’t think I can do this to him. It would ruin his life, his career, and even though I know he would do the right thing by me and the baby, he would be miserable.”

“But that is his choice what he wants to do. You are taking that decision away from him. It’s not your place to decide how he feels about anything. Are you sure this isn’t really about you? Some intense fear that you actually have about things?”

I sighed. I took a drink of my water and closed my eyes. It was like I was trying to shut things out. I didn’t want to hear what Lucy was saying. She was making too much sense. But I knew that I needed to hear this. Dammit. What was I going to do?

I’d made a decision already. It was still the best thing. I knew that Lucy was trying to help and she was making some very valid points, but I didn’t want to go back on the decision that I’d made. This was the choice and I was sticking to it. I would have to live with it.

“To an extent, it probably is,” I said. “But that is on me. That is something I have to work out. I still feel that this is the right choice for me and the baby. I know that Gary would be an amazing father, but I also know that if he resents the baby because it ruined his life and his dreams, then that greatness will dim over time. That is how people become bitter and disillusioned.”

“You sound like you are speaking from experience,” Lucy said.

Shit. She was good. I didn’t answer for a moment, but finally I said, “Yes, kind of. Gary told me it happened to his father. He was a musician and when his mother became pregnant with Gary, his father felt forced to get a more stable job so he could be there with them. Growing up, there was always this disconnect between them, as if he didn’t really want to be there with Gary, you know? He never said anything like that and he never acted openly like he felt that way, but Gary could still tell it. There was just a boredom in his interactions with him. I don’t want Gary to feel like his father did. I couldn’t let him turn out that way.”

“Ok,” Lucy said. “It’s your life. You can do what you want with it, but I hope that one day you realize that this might not have been your finest moment Shelly.”

We turned the television on and found a funny movie to watch as we finished our pizza. I was thankful for the rest in conversation. I was tired after my first day of work. And now my head was full of doubts about the way I was handling my life. It was always harder hearing these things coming from another person.

When I went to bed that night, I found myself almost on the verge of tears as I laid down. I just wanted my life to be simple again. When did everything get so messed up and complicated? I just wanted life to be normal. Was that so hard? Why couldn’t I just have Gary and our child with me? I wanted this more than anything, but I knew that this would be something that I would never live down. Gary would always resent me and the baby, I just knew it. I might have been wrong. Certainly this was possible, but I was not sure I could handle that risk.

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