Page 95 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

My mind whirls, bile climbing up my throat. “But you said he loved you. That once upon a time, he would have moved mountains.”

She shrugs. “I lied. Your papa moved many mountains, but they were never for me.”

I gasp. “What? No, I… how did I not know this?”

Betrayal—dark and thick—trickles through my veins.

“How could you not tell me this?” I hiss.

“You think this is somethin’ I’m proud of?” she snaps. “Gettin’ knocked up like the town whore, and bein’ shamed into movin’ to a new town? One where no one would see the scarlet letter I ripped from my chest?” Her eyes blaze, and I’m stunned into silence. “You think it was fun to watch you go down that same path?” She pauses, her hand wiping a stray tear. The first one I’ve ever seen her shed. “Besides,” she sniffs, “we have an image to uphold.”

Revulsion pours over me, a sticky, black sludge that weighs me down and makes me want to puke.

Everything I’ve known—everything I’ve believed in has bee

n a lie.

I shoot to my feet, suddenly unable to stand being here for a second longer. “You disgust me. You and Papa both.”

I wait for an apology, but after a few moments I realize I’ll be waiting forever.

The mask has dropped back down, her face a blank canvas, waiting for whatever she chooses to paint for the world.

I should know better than to hope.

I race out of the house, unable to breathe from the weight of the lies.

My entire life is a lie.

Ripping my phone from my purse, I pull up Jax’s number and send him a text.

Me: Cali? I’m in. When do we leave?

42

Eli

It’s already been a long day and it’s only twelve-thirty. Sarah and I just arrived at the church to meet with Becca about the wedding.

I don’t think I want it to happen at all, which makes me a piece of shit. Especially after using Sarah to fuck the feelings I have for Becca away. It was an asshole thing to do, and I’ve been nauseous over it ever since, but it also showed me clarity because I know I need to let her go. She deserves someone who can love her fully, and goddamn I wish that man were me. Coming back here has pulled up the deepest parts of my longing, and I know I’ll never feel for Sarah the things I do for Becca.

I don’t want to feel them.

I would give anything not to feel them.

But five years ago they dug into my skin and settled into my bones, becoming an integral part of me.

I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for what she’s done, for the way she shattered me to pieces. Regardless, it wouldn’t be fair to live a lie with someone else even if it means I end up alone.

The last time I saw Becca, we threw some hateful words, mine laced with hurt and hers laced in truth. I have no idea if she’s upset, pissed, or indifferent. More than likely, she doesn’t care at all, which just makes me wish I didn’t either.

We get to Preacher Sanger’s office and the door is open, so we walk in. He’s nowhere in sight, but Becca is sitting behind his oak desk, hands resting lightly on the top, her gaze unfocused.

I expect her to startle when she sees us, but she’s so lost in her thoughts she doesn’t even acknowledge we’ve arrived. I tilt my head, the base of my spine tingling in warning. Usually, less than a second in her presence and I’m ready to explode, but right now there’s no buzz. No electricity flowing off her skin and soaking into my soul.

Something’s off.

“Rebecca.” I use her full name for a reason. To see if there’s a spark. A reaction. I’m searching for that fire. The one only Becca can provide. But I don’t find it, and dread sneaks through my chest, pooling in my stomach.

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