Page 92 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

You know I dream of you? It’s always the same memory. My last practice of high school. I was rushing out the door, and you were standing in the kitchen, that red and white cherry apron you always wore tied around your waist. You called my name and pulled me in your arms, telling me to enjoy the moment. To soak in every second of my last days with the team. I scoffed, patting your back and pulling out of your embrace, worried about Pops finding out I was running late.

But in my dreams… I grab on tight and squeeze you so hard I’m afraid I’ll leave a bruise, trying to soak you in for as long as I can.

To bask in your glow.

You always slip away anyway, and I wake up with my fingers grasping air.

Not loving you enough when I had the chance is one of my biggest regrets.

I found someone. I think you’d like her. Someone who can marry me in the church you married Pops in. Someone who won’t destroy the battered pieces of my soul if she decides to leave.

But she isn’t the one who cures my “lonely heart.”

… I don’t know if I can go through with it.

So, I guess I’m sorry for that too.

I love you, Ma.

Forever.

-Eli

41

Becca

This Saturday is Sam’s retirement party, and it seems like everyone is talking about it. Personally, I just can’t wait for it to be over. Ninety percent of the town will be there, and eighty percent of them think I’m lower than the scum on their shoes.

But none of that bothers me as much as knowing Eli will be there, cuddled up with his perfect fiancée. I already spend too much time with them as it is.

For the thousandth time, I consider how different my life would have turned out if I had made different choices. I was this close to freedom.

I need to talk to Jeremy. He’s the only one who knows what happened with Eli and me all those years ago. But it’s hard to find time to chat. Between him being the point guard for a team in California, and his secret life of loving dick, he’s always busy, even on the off season, so we have to schedule times to talk. It’s been a few months since I’ve even spoken to him, and I’m anxious to get the news of Eli’s return off my chest.

My phone rings and I swipe up, grinning when I see Jeremy’s boyish smile fill my screen.

“Hey, Jer.”

“Hey, sweet cheeks. How ya doing down there in Hell’s Pit?”

I fall back on my bed and hold the phone above my head, puffing out my bottom lip. “Shitty.”

“Yeah.” He grimaces. “I figured.”

Over the years, I’ve opened up to Jeremy about what life was like growing up in Sugarlake. He’s convinced my mind is warped, thanks to my dysfunctional family history. He’s always trying to psychoanalyze me, even though I’m the one with the psychology degree.

I groan, dragging my hand down my face. “You’ve got no idea.”

His brow arches as he takes a sip of his Coke. “No? Well lay it on me, girl.”

I wrap a curl around my finger, tugging until it stings. “Eli’s back.”

Jeremy chokes, hunching forward and grabbing his chest. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah.” Tears burn my nose and choke my throat, but I bite them back. “He’s gettin’ married to that girl he worked with when we were students. Sarah.” I sigh. “Papa’s makin’ me plan their weddin’.”

“You’re kidding.”

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