Page 90 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

I throw my hands in the air. “If you’re so worried about it, why the hell did you ask her to plan our wedding?”

She stands up, her irises blazing, fists clenching at her sides.

My eyes widen. She’s zealous in her rage, and my gut pinches, wondering why I’ve never seen her passion.

“Because like I said, I’m not stupid,” she hisses. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

A sadness settles in my chest, knowing my inability to control myself has turned Sarah into this mockery of who she truly is. Sarah isn’t vindictive. She isn’t mean.

But she is right. I should be putting her first.

My teeth clench, sending an ache up my jaw as I deliberate how much to tell her. I owe it to our relationship to make the effort, to continue the attempt at opening up and letting her in. But, I won’t lie and say that part of me doesn’t see this as an out—a way for me to wash my hands of the responsibility that comes with being back home.

I guess as many strides as a person takes forward, there’s always temptation to walk it back.

“Sarah, listen. Being back here is hard for me, okay? It’s got memories I’d like to forget and people who’ve already forgotten me. I’m trying to do this for you. But if it’s gonna make us fight, maybe we should just go back to Florida. Forget having the wedding here. Your parents would love to have it closer to their home anyway, yeah?”

She shakes her head. “No, Eli. I want to have it where you grew up. It’s perfect with the smoky mountain backdrop and the small-town charm. I love it here. Besides, everyone in town loves you.”

My heart thunks and my gut tightens. People here don’t love me. They love the idea of me—of who I used to be.

I sigh. “I guess, Sarah. Whatever you want.”

“No. It’s not whatever I want. I need to know what you want, too. Do you want to marry me? Really?”

Her question slams into my chest, my

heart cowering against the attack. “I asked you, didn’t I?”

“Well yeah, but… you’ve been different since we’ve been here, and then I see the way you are with Becca and…” She looks down at her hands.

“And what?”

“And you aren’t that way with me.” Her voice sinks to a whisper. “She knows you in a way I never have.”

“Sarah.” I stare at her, my mind racing as I struggle to separate the part of me that wants to shut this conversation down, and the part that wants to let her in.

I suck on my teeth. “I was with Becca back when she was a student.”

Sarah gasps, her lower lip trembling. “I knew it. I knew there was something there. A student, Eli? Really?”

I rub my hands down my face, groaning. “I don’t want to lie to you, okay? It was a long time ago, and things didn’t end well.” I cup her cheek in my hand. “I asked you to marry me. I’m here for you.”

“Did you love her?”

“No.” My soul rages against the lie, clawing at my body, etching truths into my skin.

I ignore it, leaning in to kiss her lips, sliding my tongue into her mouth.

Stripping her clothes off slowly, I pull her on top of me, needing to sink into her warmth.

Desperate for her to dull the pain.

Sarah’s been hired to speak at a conference for physical therapy, and they’re having Skype meetings all afternoon, so she’s locked herself in the guest room, and told me I’m on my own for the rest of the day.

I’m thankful for it. I don’t want her tagging along with where I’m planning to go.

Pops is still in his recliner. He hasn’t moved all day, and my pulse ticks up when I think about the conversation that’s long overdue. I pray I’ll find the courage to have it.

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