Page 84 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

“I haven’t been to see her since she’s died.” I repeat the words slowly, raising my eyebrows.

She smiles and lifts her shoulders. “You’re here now. Better late than never.”

Is she being obtuse on purpose?

Maybe she thinks she’s helping, but she’s not. She’s just hammering home the fact that even though we’re right next to each other, there’s a rift that stretches wide, and maybe there isn’t enough between us to fill it.

“Right.” I sigh, shaking my head. “You’re right. It’s not even a big deal.”

She grins, tilting her head. “Can I come with?”

“No.” My response is sharp and swift.

She winces. “Oh, okay. That’s fine, I ju—”

I grimace, swallowing the bitter pill of realizing she just doesn’t get it.

I inhale deep, searching for some grace. “I’m sorry, it’s… I need to do this alone. You understand, right?”

She bites her cheek and nods, but I see the tremble in her lips. I wish she would say what she wants to say, instead of keeping things so calm.

I’ve always been content in the fact we never fight. We’ve never had to douse the flames of a blaze we can’t control.

Sarah’s always been my Novocain, and I’ve bathed in the numb she provides.

But even the strongest drug wears off.

And I crave a hint of fire.

39

Becca

“Your brother is an asshole!” I burst into Lee’s studio apartment, ripping the wine glass from her outstretched hand.

“I take it things didn’t go well?” She smirks, sipping from her own glass.

“No. Things did not go well. Your brother is literally the worst person I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowin’.” I guzzle my wine, rage heating my veins at the thought of Eli. The way he dug under my skin and scraped at my wounds, making them bleed.

Asshole.

“I mean, how did you survive growin’ up with someone who’s so… so... ”

“Particular?” Lee suggests.

“Insane! Ugh!” I drain the last of my drink, knowing that I should be savoring instead of chugging, but I can’t help myself. Eli is the actual worst. An arrogant, ‘hit you while you’re down’ kind of man, who took all my tender spots and ripped them open, leaving me to suffocate in the hurt.

Literally. He just left like he couldn’t be bothered to clean up his own mess. Like he expected his perfect, polished, future wife to do it.

The worst part is I actually like Sarah. She’s so damn sweet she gives you a toothache, and that pisses me off even more. I wish I could hate her.

“You shouldn’t let him get to you, Becca. He’s doin’ it on purpose. He loves gettin’ a rise outta people.”

“He’ll get a rise out of my foot when I shove it up his ass.” I reach for the bottle of wine, needing the red liquid to help drown out my memories.

Lee giggles. “Y’all have always been like oil and water. Remember how ticked he used to make you as a kid?”

Her words do nothing except fan the flames of my ire. I’m so damn angry at him for stirring up emotion I’ve worked for years to tamp down. I’m hurt at the things he said, and what I said back. The crater in my stomach threatens to swallow me whole at the sadness I see reflected in his eyes. Sadness that I caused. Sadness that turns him into a mean, vicious man.

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