Page 130 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

When Eli’s gaze finds mine, it wraps around my body and tugs, pulling me up off the couch before I know how to stop myself.

Lee says something, but her voice is muddled, every ounce of me focused on Eli and the way he commands my attention just by existing.

I stop when I’m right in front of him, close enough to reach out and touch, his energy snapping at my skin. “Hi.”

“Rebecca.” His voice is deep and husky, my full name off his lips making my entire body vibrate with the need to hear it again. “I didn’t know you would be here,” he continues.

“Ditto. Hope it’s okay I am.”

“It’s more than okay.”

“Good.” My face stretches into a wide grin, my stare never leaving his.

The left side of his mouth pulls up, his eyes sparking. “Good.”

Butterflies erupt in my stomach, making me giddy at the prospect of spending the evening around him. A chance for us to just be without all of the angst of our past.

So when Lee slips her arm around my shoulder and winks, saying it’s time to sit down and eat, I follow them in, staring at Eli’s back and letting hope for the future fill me up.

I damn sure like the way it feels.

55

Eli

There was a moment at Ma’s grave where the world grew quiet. Nothing but Lee’s tears soaking my shirt, and mine falling silently on her hair, the air heavy with all the ways we’ve never allowed each other to just be there, the way we should have been all along.

Both of us have been too stuck in our pride, expecting the other to give instead of take, not realizing that life is a balancing act.

Sitting in front of Ma’s headstone with nothing but the whisper of the wind and our overdue confessions, Lee opened up about Lily and her fear of failing Pops. I told her how I used Sarah to numb the pain of Becca leaving, and to try and appease Ma’s memory so the nightmares would stop.

It’s hard being vulnerable, purging your deepest truths and laying them down to be judged. But it’s also purifying to no longer hold it alone. And maybe if I had given Lee the support when she needed, she would have been more invested in supporting me. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt the need to lock everything away—hide the burden of my missteps where no one could see them in the light.

But you can’t grow in the dark. You’ll shrivel and wilt until you’re nothing but dried up remnants scattered along the ground.

Lee inviting me to dinner is just another step to our healing. I didn’t expect Becca to be here, looking the way she does and making my heart scream with reminders of what we used to be. What we could be again, if only I’d let her in.

I realize it isn’t fair to say one thing and mean another. And I wish, so damn bad, that I could dive inside her brain and learn all the reasons why she left. How she could say she loved me, but break me so easily. Maybe then I could reconcile the Becca from my past with the woman she is now and we could find some way to move forward.

“So.” I set down my napkin, looking toward Lee. “Next week is the first family day at Stepping Stones.”

Lee’s fork pauses halfway to her mouth. “Mmhm. Mark mentioned it on the phone.”

I nod, leaning back in my chair. “You wanna drive up there together?”

She sighs, dropping her fork to her plate. “I don’t know, Eli. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, does Daddy even want me there?”

“I’m sorry, what exactly is family day?” Becca interrupts.

My eyes slide to her, surprise flowing through me that she doesn’t already know. I guess I assumed Lee would have talked to her about it by now. “It’s a day visit to the rehabilitation center. They have a group session for family members, and we have one-on-ones with Pops.”

I’m nervous about what I’ll find when I get there. Afraid that Pops will be even more pissed off at the world now that he doesn’t have the drink to numb his senses. I don’t really know what to expect, other than what Mark has told us. Not sure Pops will even want to see us.

Chase nods. “That’s great. You gonna go?” he asks Lee.

Lee looks over to him. “I was gonna tell you, I just hadn’t had the chance yet. I only found out today.”

He smiles, leaning in and kissing her lips. Something yanks at my chest as I watch them love each other so completely. So openly. Envy lurks through me, knowing Lee was able to let her love overshadow the hurt and let Chase back in her life.

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