Page 113 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

I smile, a warm sensation teasing my chest, giving me hope that things aren’t as broken as they seem. “Can’t argue with you there.”

She tilts her head, her eyes analyzing me from head to toe. “Well, come on in then.”

The couch creaks as we sit next to one another, and I fidget in place. My heart palpitates against my breastbone, fingers twirling my curls.

She slaps her thighs. “Well?”

I sigh, dropping my hands. “I don’t know what to say. I’m scared I’ll just make it worse.”

She scoffs. “Can’t get much worse than what I saw last night.”

I suck on my teeth, nodding.

Her lips purse. “I just wanna know why you never told me, Becca. I asked you. In a thousand different ways.”

I blow out a breath, my heart clenching tight.

Emotion sticks to my throat but I push the words through the clog. “You’re gonna hate me more than you already do.”

“I don’t hate you, Becca. I’m hurt by you. There’s a difference.”

Pushing down the fear of losing her, I search for a sliver of courage to say what I need to say. What she deserves to hear. “I worked with the basketball team when I was at FCU.”

Lee’s face scrunches. “You did? I didn’t know that.”

The root of my self-deprecation grows branches, rising through my stomach and into my chest. “I never told you.”

She nods slowly, her nostrils flaring.

“At first, I didn’t tell you ‘cause if I did… I’d have to admit that I didn’t hate your brother as much as I should, and that felt disloyal. And then, before I could take a breath, it was this gigantic, malleable thing that wrapped around me, makin’ me lose sight of everything but him.”

“Becca,” Lee breathes. “You could have told me anything. Don’t you know me at all? When have I ever made you think I’d judge you for that?”

I rub my hands on my thighs, the friction of my jeans against my palms almost enough to distract me from the nerves. “I was scared, okay? I remember what it was like with Lily when she found out about you and Chase. The thought of losin’ you—” My voice cracks, tears warming my cheeks as they drip off my chin. “I knew it was wrong to keep it from you. It was on the tip of my tongue every time we talked. But how could I, Lee? How could I tell you that I was gettin’ all his hours when you were beggin’ for a minute?”

Lee bites her lip, her eyes glossing over.

“What you saw last night was a mistake. It wasn’t…” My breath stutters and I shake my head. “No, It was what it looked like, and I hate myself for it, Lee. Can’t stand the feel of bein’ in my own skin after doin’ what I did.”

“You mean bein’ with Eli?” Lee asks.

“Not for being with Eli. Maybe I should feel some type of way about that, but I don’t.” A sour sensation pangs in my gut, reverberating off my bones and making them ache. “But for bein’ with Eli when he’s supposed to be with someone else. Eli isn’t mine to have, and instead of respectin’ that, I ended up becomin’ the thing I hate most. My father.”

Lee’s face drops and she’s quiet, chewing on her bottom lip. She’s the only person I’ve ever told about how I walked in on Papa. How it dug deep inside me and latched on to the essence of my soul, suffusing it with betrayal.

She opens her mouth and closes it a few times. “You hurt me. Eli did too, but you… you are my person. I’m supposed to be able to trust you with anything and I thought you were the same way with me. But I…” She blows out a breath. “Do you love him?”

My heart clatters against my ribs, my stomach flipping at the question. “Yeah, Lee. I love him. I don’t remember what it feels like not to love him.”

Lee’s eyes soften. “He’s the reason you came back, ain’t he?”

I nod, unable to speak around the sudden lump in my throat.

“Did he do somethin’?”

“No, I–I did.”

Her breath whooshes out and she reaches over, tangling her fingers with mine. Her touch breaks the dam on my tears and they pour down my face, warming my cheeks and dripping of my chin.

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