Lee’s eyes look through me even though I’m standing right in front of her. “I need to speak to my brother, Becca. Alone.”
My breathing stutters. The reality of losing Lee is much worse than the fear. It’s an ache that penetrates my bones and settles in, spreading through every limb until it hurts to move. Even through the pain, it’s a struggle to keep from looking back at Eli—to make sure he knows that I meant what I said. That through all of this, I have always, irrevocably loved him.
But the truth is, sometimes love digs in deep and draws out the darkest parts of your soul. The pieces you don’t want to find, because of what you’ll face when you do—the worst version of yourself.
Sometimes love is greed.
It’s hurtful.
It’s selfish.
So even though this might be the last time I ever see him, and every single fiber of my being is begging for one last glance, I don’t turn around.
Instead, I walk out the door.
46
Eli
Perching on the desk, I watch my sister with wariness. The faint scent of Becca lingers, making my heart pound against my chest, begging with every beat to chase after her. We’re nowhere near done with our conversation. Still too many things that are left unsaid.
She doesn’t even know I broke off the engagement.
Lee’s voice cuts through the air. “While you were busy gettin’ your jollies with someone other than your fiancée, guess what you missed?”
I hate that she doesn’t use Becca’s name. Hate that she’s reducing her to a non-entity. My stomach twists in realization that this may have ruined their friendship. The one thing Becca was worried about all these years, and even though we aren’t together, it comes true.
I sigh. “What’s that, Lee?”
“I’ll tell you. Daddy gettin’ in a fight with the man of the hour, Sam. Bein’ a mess in front of the entire town and then stormin’ off drunk as a skunk. That’s what. Now he’s out there, drivin’, sloppy and upset.”
I jump up, the back of my legs stinging from where the desk pressed into them, but I’m too lost in visions of Pops behind the wheel to care. “What? Where’d he go?”
Before we left the house, I tried to talk him out of even coming to this party. It was a pathetic attempt, and I caved the second he raised his voice. I reasoned it wasn’t worth the fight—that I’d have my eyes on him the whole time anyway.
“How should I know, Eli? Hopefully home.” Lee shrugs.
My nerves are like ants, crawling through every cell, irritating me just enough to cause an itch. I pace back and forth, my jaw aching from the force of my gritted teeth. “Well, let’s go. We’ve gotta find him.”
Lee stiffens, her blue eyes piercing. “I’m not goin’. I just thought you should know.”
My arms fly out to the sides. “What do you mean you’re not going?”
She brushes a strand of hair from her face. “Look, if you wanna spend your time chasin’ after Daddy and the devil on his shoulder, be my guest. He’ll leave you in the dust, and all that’ll be left is you chasin’ your own tail.”
I can see the resolution in her stance, the strength in her stature. Meanwhile, here I am, breaths coming quick and my chest caving in at the mere thought of standing up to Pops.
Lee’s been taking care of him for years, shielding herself from weapons forged from the fire of his heartbreak.
> Shame floods my chest and sticks to my bones, seeping through in every action.
When I’ve thought of Lee, I’ve always imagined the fresh-faced, naive girl she was before. But she’s not. She’s a phoenix, burning on a pyre and rising from the ashes. She’s stronger than I’ll ever be.
“I shouldn’t have left you to deal with him alone,” I whisper. “I should have come back. Should have done more.”
Her nostrils flare. “Now’s not the time, Eli. Literally any other day you’ve been here would have worked. But tonight? I don’t wanna hear it.”
She turns to walk out the door and I rush after her, my stomach in knots from all the things I want to say. “Lee.”