Page 55 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

“Anyway, now that I’ve sent my sister’s congrats in person, I should head out.” I lock my eyes on Becca. “Congratulations, Becca. Ma would be so proud.” My voice catches on the last word.

Becca’s lips part on a gasp, her eyes growing glassy as she mumbles out her thanks.

I want to drag her out of the apartment. Wrap her in my arms, and shield her from her parents’ ugly truths. But it’s hard to use your limbs when they’re tied behind your back.

So I leave alone, reassuring myself the constraints are temporary.

She’s graduating. Finally.

And tonight, everything will change.

28

Becca

There’s something desensitizing when you finally welcome in your demons.

I’m a fool.

Truly the dumbest woman on the planet, thinking I could hack it on my own. I can’t even be pressed to check into the logistics of where I hand my money. Or who I hand it to.

I’ve known betrayal. Felt it slamming into the depths of my soul and spreading like ivy. Turns out, it never really leaves. Just remains stagnant until something pours water on its seeds, allowing it to grow.

I didn’t know Sabrina held the watering can. But now I do.

How could she?

I make it through the graduation ceremony, but while most celebrate the breaking of their chains, wings spread and ready to soar, I feel mine clamping down and stuttering my flight. Strange, how the same experience can affect people so differently.

Sabrina tries to talk to me, tries to tell me congratulations, but I find only silence to offer. I can’t even look at her. Can’t stand what I’ll see.

I’m quiet as my family walks into the upscale restaurant to “celebrate.” Despondent as we sit at the table. Papa orders for all of us, just like he always does. He has to be in control of everything. I’m sure he’s thrilled at my new subdued personality.

I was so close. At least, I thought I was, but everything I thought I knew was an illusion, put together by the ones I’m supposed to trust.

I’ve been outplayed in a game I didn’t even know I was in. The realization is a bitch-slap to my psyche, reaffirming the truths my mind has always whispered, but I’ve tried so hard to ignore.

I ache to leave here and go to Eli’s. Lay in his arms, and feel the comfort of his embrace. Beg him to fuck me unconscious, so my thoughts don’t torture me in my dreams.

We’re halfway through the meal before conversation is attempted. I’ve been playing with the food on my plate, my appetite lost after realizing I’ve been living in a cage with a view.

“I assume you’ll be comin’ home with us?” Papa asks.

My chest pulls tight. “No, Papa. I’m not comin’ home.”

He dabs his mouth with a red cloth napkin, then throws it on the table. “Enough, Rebecca. I let you live your life this semester. You have responsibilities in Sugarlake. I want you home where I can make sure you don’t sully our name.”

I pick up my glass, taking a sip while I mull his words. I lick my lips as I set the water down. “A little late for all that, don’t you think?”

Papa’s face grows as red as my hair, and a spike of satisfaction splits my face into a grin. “Besides, I don’t think I do have responsibilities there. The church is your legacy, not mine.”

He scoffs, his chair scratching against the floor as he jerks to stand. Pointing to me, his mouth straightens into a firm line, before he turns toward Momma. “Talk to your daughter. Maybe you can get it in her thick head I’m not givin’ her a choice.”

He storms away, moving to walk past the bar and then suddenly stopping. Momma and I watch as he sidles next to a curvy brunette. He doesn’t even try to hide it. Pig. Nausea curdles my stomach when I think about how I used to look up to that man—used to think he was my everything.

I never see things the way they really are.

“How can you just let him disrespect you like that, Momma?” I wave my arm toward the bar, my nose scrunched.

---