Page 127 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

Lee’s phone rings, and when she says it’s Eli and excuses herself, the nausea I had pushed back down rolls to the surface. I take small sips of water to keep from throwing up my dinner.

Chase is silent, leaning back in his chair and crossing his hands over his stomach.

I squint my eyes at him from over the rim of my water. “I think I’m envious of you.”

His dark brows shoot up. “I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before.”

“Yeah, well, don’t let it go to your head. I’m just sayin’.” I cock my head to the side. “You were fucked-up before.”

He smiles, making the dimples in his cheeks deepen. “We’re all a little fucked-up, Becca.”

“Yeah, but, you’re so different now.” I look down, weakness swimming in my veins and urging me to keep up the facade. Hit him with an insult instead of showing him the truth. But if he can work through all his issues and become a better man, maybe he’s the key to helping me work through mine.

“How’d you do it?” I ask.

His lips turn down. “That’s a vague as fuck question. Care to narrow it down?”

My curls knot through my fingers as I tug on the strands, the ends sticking to my clammy palms. “I just… there are some things I need to—some issues I’d like to tackle. To keep me from bein’ so…”

“Fucked-up?” he guesses.

I nod, blowing out a breath. “Yeah. Fucked-up.”

He sucks on his teeth, his chair creaking as he rocks back.

I shift in my seat, uncomfortable as the seconds tick by and he doesn’t say a word. Just stares at me, letting me stew in my vulnerability.

Finally, he clicks his tongue, his chair snapping back into place as he rests his forearms on the table. “I know a guy who can help.”

54

Becca

“I want to be with him, Becca. He just… he drives me insane.”

“So be with him, Jer.” I cradle the phone between my shoulder and head, grabbing my popcorn from the microwave.

Jeremy is the only person I still talk to from Florida, but even with him, our conversations are far and few between. Over the years, both of our lives have pulled us down different paths—his in the direction of his dreams, and mine into the swirling vortex of everything I said I never wanted to be. Maybe Sabrina—someone I do not speak with—was right after all and you do think things into existence.

Either way, I’d be devastated to lose the little moments I’m able to grab, so even though they aren’t frequent, I never miss our calls.

“I can’t just be with him. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am. I can’t risk that. I just wish he’d understand, it’s not because I don’t have feelings for him, it’s just the way it has to be.”

“Hmm.” I pop some kernels in my mouth, chewing slowly while I think of the right thing to say.

Years later, and Jer still isn’t out. I don’t blame him, especially now with him being plastered on billboards, and companies begging for his face on their brand. People can pretend all they want that the world has progressed, but take a closer look and everyone is still busy hiding their truths in the shadows and pushing their lies in the light.

Funny how no matter where you go, big cities or small towns, people are the same at the core.

And people don’t want their celebrity athletes to like other men. It doesn’t fit the mold.

“I’m gonna tell you what you told me once, Jer, and I want you to listen close. Are you ready?”

“Hit me with it, sweet cheeks.”

“If you can’t love that man with all your heart, you need to let him go.”

“Yeah.” He sniffles.

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