Page 76 of Beneath the Stars (Sugarlake 1)

She was still young. We were there for a little over a year. She promised me nothing ever happened. But in my dreams, she’s crying, asking why I didn’t save her sooner.

Sometimes, on the really fucked-up nights, she’ll shift into a vision of my mom, telling me what a shit brother I am. I think I hate them both for making me love them so much. But the hatred doesn’t take away the urge to find them.

Maybe I didn’t pay close enough attention. I still have no fucking clue why Lily felt like she needed to resort to drugs and bad people to escape her reality. A reality she convinced everyone she was happy with for so many years. I don’t fucking know, man. Maybe I’ll never find the answers, and that’s hard for me to accept.

I hope that wherever she is, she’s safe.

33

Alina

It’s only Wednesday and I’m dragging. Between Logan’s, working, and rushing straight to Daddy’s to make sure he stays home for the night, I’m drained. Not just physically, but emotionally. Daddy knows just how to slice, his barbs cutting deep, and I wonder how I survived living under the same roof as him for so long.

Regina and Chase are having a meeting, so I’ve been relegated to the office couch. Regina is nothing if not a control freak, so this has been happening since Monday. Chase keeps giving me glances, probably because I can’t stop yawning. Finally, they wrap up, Regina giving me some tasks to do before she’s out the door. She never stays—just comes and goes when she’s needed. It must be nice to be an owner. One day, maybe I’ll get there, too.

Chase hangs back, leaning against the desk while I sit in the office chair. He quirks a brow.

“What?” I ask.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

His shoulders lift. “You seem tired.”

My instinct is to get defensive and hide the truth—and the truth is that making sure Daddy doesn’t end up in jail is a hard job. I’m about to keel over from either exhaustion or stress. I’m not sure which one will get me first. I open my mouth to brush off his concern, but then I remember Chase already knows about Daddy. There’s no reason to hide it from him.

I rest my head on my hand and sigh. “I am tired. I’ve been headin’ straight to Daddy’s every night to make sure he doesn’t get himself in trouble. I can’t stop the drinkin’, but I can at least try to keep him home and safe. If he goes back to Johnny’s bar, they’ll throw him in jail.”

Chase crosses his arms, his lips pursing. “He putting up a fight?”

I roll my eyes. “Daddy lives and breathes to fight with me. So yeah, it’s not easy. But I can’t just do nothin’.”

A pinch in my neck has me reaching back to rub out the kink. “I don’t think I ever realized how uncomfortable the guest bed was, though.”

His brows raise. “You’ve been sleeping there?”

“Sleepin’ is a stretch. I lay in the guest room and spend all night worryin’ he’s gonna get alcohol poisonin’ or wake up and try to leave.” I laugh and stare up at the ceiling. “When did I become the parent?”

“Why don’t you just stay in your room?”

“Daddy moved all his stuff in there and turned my room into a ‘man cave’ as soon as I moved out.” I wave off my statement like it doesn’t bother me. “Anyway, I can’t wait ‘til Eli gets in town. They’re gonna stay with Daddy at the house. I just have to keep it together ‘til then.” I attempt a smile but it feels more like a grimace.

“Hmm.” He hums, that dang stare of his penetrating through to my bones. I’m not hiding anything, but it unnerves me either way.

I don’t mention that my extracurricular activities are also tiring me out. I’ve been going to the rec center and having quickies with Logan on my lunch break. Normally I wouldn’t be so desperate for an orgasm, but Chase being back has me all twisted up and I need some relief. Frequently.

My phone dings with a text and it’s the perfect excuse to break this weird stare off with Chase. I look down and like I thought him into existence—there’s a text from Logan.

Logan: Any surprise visits from you today? I’ll be at the rec until 3.

I grin, unlocking the screen to respond.

Me: I can stop by on my lunch break at 12:30?? It will have to be quick.

Logan: Must be my lucky day. I don’t have a client until 1:30. Feel like sneaking into the men’s locker room?

I bite my lip. I can’t deny the thrill that spikes through me. I never thought I’d be into public places, but I’ve found out this past week it turns me on somethin’ fierce. I hear a throat clear and I look up. Chase is standing in front of the desk, staring at me. His body is tense like he knows what I was texting about. That’s impossible.

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