Page 78 of Tell Me When It's Over

Back to safety.

Back to where I can think about Chase, and how his hand doesn’t consume mine like Kyler’s big palm does.

But instead, I hunker down and find myself absorbing the feelings I definitely shouldn’t have someone who I thought was my brother for years.

He’s not, that nagging voice in my head reminds me in a sultry way.

And that’s the problem.

I know.

I think I imagine it when I feel a pair of lips brush my shoulder at some point during the night, lingering there, before a distant voice murmurs, “We can’t do this, Lenny. I can’t.”

And I don’t know if I’m supposed to hear it, or if I dreamed his pained voice, but I accept the words for what they are and force myself back into oblivion.

Chapter Twenty-One

Kyler / Present Day

Kalvin the Dipshit smiles the entire time the producer plays the feedback. I don’t even try pretending I’m not smug when he looks over at me where I sit on the couch. Gordy and I knew he’d love it.

The entire time Kalvin and his friends raved about it, all I wanted was to do was share the moment with one person. Leighton is spending the day with Chase and Garrick, celebrating her first event that UCLA holds for all accepted students. She left early this morning with a peck on my cheek and told me she’d be back tonight. I’d planned on taking her out to dinner to see how the day went when she texted me around three saying the guys and her were going to some new place to celebrate themselves.

I dealt with it. Didn’t like it, maybe let irritability creep in for a bit knowing I wasn’t there with them, but I let it go. She deserves to have fun with people that aren’t me, like I’ve told her to.

The only reason I encouraged this from the start is to prove something to Mia and myself. If I want Leighton to be happy, she needs to live her life. That means not being dragged into bullshit involving me or Mia, and not being held back by the things that I want. And based on the dreams that leave me waking up with a massive boner, those things have become complicated.

Deciding to stay out later too, I shoot Leighton a text saying I’ll be back around ten that way she doesn’t wait up. I don’t get anything more than a smiley face back, which only tweaks the irritation in the pit of my stomach more.

Because she’s busy—with someone who isn’t me.

Because she doesn’t ask where I’m going.

I sigh at my pathetic mindset.

The song went over well with everyone, and true to his word, Kalvin let me keep it as is. No instrumental beside me and my guitar. The next step is figuring out when to drop it, which a meeting that’s scheduled with a few marketing people will settle soon enough.

A surprise release from Kyler Bishop will make people lose their minds, so I’m sure that’s what they’ll choose. But, knowing Kalvin, he’ll want more. To make a scene. Start some sort of social media riot by dropping hints. I don’t plan on letting him, but I’m not holding my breath that I’ll have a say considering he’s already given me creative leeway, which is more than he’s ever given me before.

I signed a contract—one I really want to share with the dark-haired girl who asked me to update her as soon as I heard. Singing to her had brought back something inside me that craved more, but only from her. More of her thoughts, opinions, feelings, attention.

A few drinks later at Dominick’s, I tap out, leave some money for the beer and burger, and head home. Gordy left an hour ago when his girlfriend, who he still won’t tell me about, called asking him when he was getting back. Calling him whipped is an understatement but whipped looks good on him, and when I told the smart ass, he said, “You’d definitely know what that looks like,” with pointed eyes that I pretend not to notice.

On my way home, I debate on stopping to pick up some snacks for Len to convince her to watch TV with me when she’s back. It’s been a few days since we’ve spent time together one on one. The day after her birthday, Mia came over and we made a mess out of the kitchen baking her cake like we used to. Chase came over for a few hours but didn’t stay because Leighton told him she wanted it to be a Bishop night like old times, and I’ll be damned if it didn’t make my chest swell a little with acceptance and nostalgia, among other things.

Following that night, she roped me into watching some more episodes of Bob’s Burgers with her after I cooked up some of the chicken I pretend not to notice she buys, and roasted potatoes for us. We ate in silence, laughed at the show, and talked until we went to bed—about our days, music, school. Her excitement over UCLA still rings in my ear, and I feel an odd sense of fulfillment knowing she’s getting to go to college like she’s always wanted. That, in some ways, I was able to be a part of this new step for her when I couldn’t be before. She’d told me, “I couldn’t have done it without you,” which I know isn’t true. Lenny can do anything she sets her mind to without anyone. She has before. It’s what I admire most about her. I’d simply replied, “I’ve always got your back.” Because even if I disagreed with her, she wouldn’t believe me.

I still have a hard time accepting she’s headed to UCLA instead of Stanford, because I remember how her face lit up during the campus tour. She soaked in every single boring fact the guide gave along the way, dreamt of what it’d be like to live in the dorms, study in the massive library, and be part of the culture. I wanted that for her—still do. But if she can accept the downgrade, then I have to too. It’s only fair. If anything, her willingness to attend at all should be something to celebrate, no matter where she goes. If she decided to take a year off, I’m not sure if she would be as happy as she is when she tells me about her classes, the professor’s names, and the reading assignments she’s already done. Being able to witness her beaming like the school nerd she is makes me wish I knew what she looked like post Bishop breakup.

She’s divulged a few new details in her life after Harry kicked Katherine and her out, but nothing explaining the look she gets in her eyes whenever her mom is brought up. It’s more than mourning and grief. It’s…guilt, but I can’t figure out why. The only thing I can piece together is that Katherine went back to her old ways and Leighton was there to pick up the pieces. She shouldn’t have had to be the adult, but she wouldn’t be Lenny if she chose not to be.

Blowing out a breath, I tell myself not to think about it. Being angry at a dead person isn’t getting me anywhere but angrier. Lenny doesn’t need to see that feeling toward her mother. I just wish she’d talk to me about it. Or Mia. Someone. Hell, I’d settle for Chase being the person she opens up to, even if the little green fucker inside me hates thinking that she may already have.

When I pull into the driveway, I park next to Chase’s beamer. Glancing at the clock, I note it’s earlier than expected. According to her text, she figured they’d be out until at least nine.

Unlocking the front door, I walk into the kitchen and drop my keys in their normal spot on the counter, right next to Leighton’s bag. Another pair of keys and a jacket are draped beside it. The living room is empty, and the light is off, so I furrow my brows and look in the backyard thinking they may be out by the fire pit. We’ve all hung outside together before, exchanging stories about Garrick for the most part. Half of Chase’s tales give me enough ammunition to shut the Australian prick down the next time he opens his mouth, and I look forward to tapping into the bank of new knowledg

e on the guy who, admittedly, I don’t mind so much now. He’s calmed down considerably over the years.

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