Page 39 of The Rival (Looking to Score 2)
You’d think that escaping alone to the Canadian wilderness wouldn’t lead to even more heartache. But here I am, trying not to let some guy make me cry all over again.
13
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ALEX
I kick a bucket into the corner and let out a frustrated growl. I’ve been outside in the shed, not exactly hiding, but . . .
Okay, fine. I’m hiding.
But fuck. How is it that I manage to mess something up so horribly when all I’m trying to do is the right thing?
The hurt look on Aspen’s face when I told her last night had been a mistake haunts me.
I want to kick my own ass. That was a shittier thing to do than what Dale did to her. Why did I have to call what we shared a mistake? Of all the words I could have used.
The nonstop barrage of texts from Saint this morning hasn’t helped either.
After one of the best nights of my life, I got up early and made coffee. While I waited for Aspen to wake up, I checked in with my lawyer to see if there were any updates. There weren’t any updates on the case, but that didn’t stop him from pointing out that now would be a very bad time to get involved with someone new. He said the smartest thing to do would be to stay single this summer and keep my relationships out of the press, and that meant not being seen with any new women.
After that text, the texts from Saint started.
He had a field day, firing off a bunch of tattoo options he has for me. Every one of them is atrocious. From the elaborate face of a troll eating oatmeal that I won’t be able to scrub from my brain anytime soon, to something simple like his name in a fancy font. Or my personal favorite, a block-text banner that read I’M AN IDIOT. Because that’s exactly what I am. A gigantic fucking idiot.
I, of course, shot off my own texts, arguing that the tattoo was only if I fell in love, and Aspen and I had hooked up once. So I told him to fuck off.
But the truth is, I can picture a life with Aspen. And that’s probably what scares me more than anything, because I seem to have a knack for destroying everything in my path.
Deciding I can’t hide out in the shed forever, I grab the batteries I came looking for and make my way back inside. I keep myself busy by checking all the smoke detectors, but our dance around the cabin gets harder. When I hear her in the kitchen, I make myself scarce, and when she hangs out in the living room, I head out to the deck.
But I can’t avoid her forever—not when we’re living under the same roof. I do my best to busy myself with tasks today, but when Aspen walks into a room, all my attention is shot. She’s all I can focus on.
It’s now late in the afternoon, and she’s wrapped herself in a fuzzy throw blanket and is stationed on the couch. She’s down to the last dozen or so pages of her novel. Her mouth is turned down, and she hasn’t even looked up to acknowledge my presence all day. I want to ask her about the ending, but I don’t dare.
After I return the ladder to the garage, I pause in the living room. “Anything in particular sound good for dinner?”
She looks up at me with a frown. “I’m not hungry.”
Okay. I deserved that. She’s not even going to grace me with her presence, or share a meal with me anymore. The realization that she won’t be making those little noises of satisfaction when I feed her does nothing to improve my mood.
When I don’t move, Aspen looks up and meets my gaze. Even though she’s obviously mad at me, I can still feel the familiar buzz of chemistry crackling between us.
Last night was intense, more intimate than a hookup had any right to be. Saint’s words ring in my head. “She’s the marrying kind, bro. So unless you’re trying to become someone’s husband, it means you’d better keep your dick in your pants this summer.”
If only I’d listened. The last thing I need is a wife. If I know one thing for certain, it’s that I’d be a terrible partner. I think about the strained relationship of my parents. It took my mom getting cancer for them to finally sort their shit out. And they did, but just barely.
Ending things between Aspen and me was the right thing to do.
Wasn’t it?
And there’s another factor at play here too. I can’t risk pissing off Eden. I had big hopes for this season, and now I’m going to be facing down some lawsuit in court too—because I refused to settle or accept blame for something I didn’t do. I have to tread carefully. Hooking up with my boss’s assistant and friend? Not in the cards for someone trying to walk the straight and narrow.
