Page 86 of Silent Partner (Pine Falls 3)

“But you could have called anyone that night, and you called Dani. That says something.”

“It says that I wanted to be with the person who knew my brother better than anyone.”

“You always wanted her,” I cried.

“No, Kinsley, it wasn’t like that. Yes, there was a time I thought myself to be in love with Dani, but that was a long time ago. I knew very early on that Dani and I weren’t meant for each other. The night my brother died,” his emotion bled through, “I had no intention of making love to her. But the pain of losing my brother got the better of both of us. Do you think I’m proud of that?” His voice demanded an answer.

I shrugged, not knowing what the truth was.

He exhaled loudly, grabbed my coat, which was doing a terrible job of keeping me warm, and rested his forehead against mine. His hot, minty breath tickled my nose. “I wanted to call you that night, but I knew if I did, I wouldn’t have let you go. And at the time, I didn’t have the luxury to make that call. You have no idea the kind of pressure I was under. The lifetime of hell I had to look forward to with Jill. All without you, the woman I love.”

It got so quiet that I could hear my tears dripping on my coat as we both stayed perfectly still, lost in our thoughts. My mind raced, thinking not only about what he had said but what Dani had said about John blackmailing her. Forcing her to keep the baby’s father a secret. Making her believe she had to marry Brock. The anguish she felt for lying to us all. Then the gut-wrenching pain she’d endured after losing the baby. Her and Brant’s baby.

“You and my sister were going to have a baby together,” I whispered out into the silence.

“A baby I lost and wasn’t even allowed to mourn,” he cried, making me tear up even more.

“I am sorry about the baby,” I whispered. And I was. Yet it didn’t change how . . . I couldn’t think of a good enough word that encompassed how I felt. Perhaps betrayed fit the bill. Or whatever word made it feel like someone was stabbing you in the heart.

“Kinsley.” He ran his fingers through my wet hair, his hands getting all sorts of tangled, and pulled my face closer until we were breathing the same breaths. “Charlotte will always hold a special place in my heart, but I’ve dreamed of the day when you and I could have a daughter together. A beautiful daughter with hair of gold, like her mother, and the deepest, most soulful brown eyes like her too.”

I wanted that too. So much. But . . . “I can’t stop picturing you with my sister, wondering if you will compare me to her. And knowing I will always be second best.” It was where I was born to be.

“You have it all wrong.”

“How?”

He brushed my lips with his own. “My entire life was mapped out for me, including who I would marry. And for a long time, I was okay with it. I wanted to be a senator so badly, I could taste it. I didn’t care what the cost was, even marrying a woman I didn’t love, because I knew I would do a lot of good. I had plans upon plans. That was . . . ,” he paused, “until you became my running partner.” He kissed my cheeks and then my nose, breathing me in as he went. “For years you were just Dani’s little sister to me. A beautiful girl who could bake better than anyone I knew. But you were a kid. Then one day I noticed you had grown up, but I would say to myself, ‘she’s going to make some lucky guy happy someday’. I wasn’t willing to own how happy you made me every time I was around you. Then, for one beautiful year, I had you to myself. Each run, I told myself it should be our last. You were so damn intoxicating, and you were clouding my vision. But I couldn’t stay away. For the first time in my life, I wanted something more than my dream. I craved any moment I could get with you.”

“I felt the same way,” I whispered.

“I had a feeling you might, and I felt like such a bastard for leading you on. I was obligated to propose to Jill, and I knew if I didn’t, her family would see to it that I didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning a seat in the Senate,” he growled. “Not only that, but I knew I would be letting my father down. I didn’t know at the time how much of a pawn I was in the sick game he had been playing with Edward Copeland for years.”

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