Page 110 of Silent Partner (Pine Falls 3)

Brant’s face fell. “Kins.” He pulled me to him, as if holding me tight would keep me from running away. He kissed the top of my head before resting his chin on it. “What do you want to know? I’ll tell you anything.”

“Honestly, I don’t want to know any of it, but I have to. I have to know why,” I whispered bravely, though my voice was tinged with pain and fear.

Brant breathed in and out deeply several times. “I’ve asked myself why a thousand times,” he began.

I braced myself against him, waiting for my heart to receive another blow. Knowing it had to happen if my heart was to ever heal properly. Sometimes things had to break all the way apart before they could be put back together again.

Brant clung to me tighter, while I kept my head tucked under his chin, thinking it was the only way I could bear this. “Kinsley, you have to understand, it wasn’t my intention to sleep with Dani when I called her that night. But . . . while we talked, I saw how much pain she was in. It was even greater than my own. She felt as if she’d been robbed. She was even angry at Brock for leaving her without ever giving them a chance. And . . . ,” his voice lowered, “there was this split second when she looked at me and she saw my brother.”

I gripped Brant’s shirt and swallowed hard, knowing what was coming and not wanting it to.

“I thought—” He paused. “Maybe I could give her a part of him,” he whispered.

I could feel his heart beating erratically. It matched my own.

“And I admit, I wanted relief from my own pain. I was grieving my brother and staring down a lifetime of sharing a bed with Jill,” he grumbled her name. “I wanted someone I loved that night, even if it wasn’t the woman I loved the most. I wanted to make love to you, but I couldn’t use you like that.”

I stiffened and tried to pull away, but he wasn’t about to let go. “So you used my sister?” I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Offended on her behalf? I didn’t know. The situation was so complicated and was made even more so by throwing sex into the mix. It was amazing that sex could be the most unifying force on earth and also the most divisive.

“We used each other. It was my brother’s name she called that night, not mine. And it was you I imagined, not her. I know what a swine that makes me sound like. It’s not something I’m proud of. It’s not indicative of how I view sex.”

“How do you view sex?” That was important to know regardless of these odd circumstances.

He lovingly stroked my hair. “Before that night, I’d thought I would never use sex selfishly, that I had the right attitude about it. I thought of myself as a generous lover, careful and considerate. And I’d made sure to only ever have one partner at a time. But, after that night, I realized I had no idea what the hell I was doing or how wrong my perspective was. I had no business doing that with Dani or any woman I wasn’t fully committed to. Watching her be so sick, knowing it was because of me—worse, not even taking responsibility for it, at least not publicly—made me take a good long look in the mirror about what I thought I knew about sex. I promised myself I would never make love to another woman unless I was married to her.”

I sat up slowly and met his passionate but downtrodden eyes. “Are you serious?” I could hardly believe it, though, in a sense, it gave me some comfort, knowing we could take our time getting to know each other in all the ways outside of a physical relationship. The ways that made a physical relationship better. Plus, it gave me time to deal with his choices, for lack of a better word.

“Very. I had no idea what we men put you women through. I won’t do that to anyone else unless I can be by her side every step of the way. That woman will never doubt how I feel about her.” He paused, his eyes boring into mine. “You will never doubt how I feel about you,” he amended quite adamantly.

That thought made me feel warm all over, like a blanket had been draped over me. Meanwhile, I was trying to process everything he was saying. I was so overwhelmed by it all. I looked around at the romantic setting. “So tonight isn’t about seducing me?” I teased.

“No.” He grinned. “I’m just trying to show you exactly what I have to offer.”

I ran my hand through his magnificent hair. It was thick, yet soft to the touch. “And what do you have to offer?”

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