Page 135 of Always Red (Chasing Red 2)

I told them the rest over cookies, cake, chips, and the rum and Coke that Kara kept pouring. My story was met with indignant growls from Kara and threats of torture from Beth.

Kara reached for her drink. “So, did you make good use of Caleb’s mama’s counter last night?” I chucked the roll of paper towels at her. “Ow.”

“Actually,” I started, blushing again, “let’s move to the living room. I have more to tell you.”

We settled in Kara’s living room, and I relayed what happened after Caleb saw me with Damon in the gazebo. I gave them a censored version of what happened in Caleb’s cabin, and there were earsplitting squeals from both of them.

I found that it was getting easier to share things about myself, things I never would have shared with anyone before I met them. This scene might have been a common occurrence to a lot of girls, but not to me. I cherished these moments when I could confide in them and know they wouldn’t judge or ridicule me.

“I’m surprised it didn’t trigger your…” Kara trailed off, her eyes widening in alarm as she slapped her mouth with her hands. “Sorry! I know you don’t like talking about your dad.”

“It’s okay,” I said. There was a hollow feeling in my stomach every time I tried to talk about my dad. It was there now as I worried my lip and thought of how to answer Kara’s question.

“I guess if you really think about it, since I was…abused as a child, Caleb’s behavior should have been a trigger for me,” I said. I paused for a moment, gathering my thoughts. “If anything, I was really mad that he would manhandle me like that. But I…knew he wouldn’t hurt me.”

“How do you know?” Beth asked.

“It’s in the eyes. I’ve seen the look of…cruelty so many times. I’ve seen the eyes of someone wanting to cause you not just physical pain, but emotional damage. I know even when they’re trying to hide it. Like Justin. Beatrice-Rose hides it well, but if you watch closely, it’s there.

“Caleb doesn’t have that…meanness in him. He never did,” I continued. “But if he did, if there was even a remote chance of him hurting me, I don’t think I could be with him. I know I couldn’t be with him,” I corrected. “If he lays a hand on someone, it’s because they’re threatening the people he loves and he needs to protect them. He’s not like my dad,” I finished after a moment. “And I’m not my mom.”

“I believe it,” Kara said, hiccupping, her eyes glassy from the alcohol. “I guess it could mean something different to everyone, because to me, it’s sexy as fuck when your man goes all caveman for some sexy time.”

I let out a soft laugh.

“But, Ver, where’s your dad now?” Kara asked. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

It was irrational, but my heart skipped a beat and that hollow feeling in my stomach intensified. “I’m not sure. I never tried to find out,” I replied honestly. “He might even be…dead now. My mom told me he was really sick last time she’d seen him, and that was years ago. He’s got liver failure from… He was drinking himself to death even when I was a kid, and he refused treatment.”

“I hope he’s dead.”

“Kar!” Beth exclaimed.

“It’s true.” Kara turned to Beth, her lips pursed in disgust. “Ver’s dad is a useless son of a bitch who”—hiccup—“didn’t deserve”—hiccup—“Ver and her mom.”

I nodded. Kara was right, but I didn’t voice what I was thinking or hoping. That, yes, I wanted him to be dead too. It made me feel ungrateful and cruel to wish him dead, because no matter how monstrous he was to my mom and me, he was good for a time. We were happy, and he had taken me into his home. But I was also realistic enough to understand that it was better that he was out of my life. I had no reason to expect to see him again.

“What about your biological parents?” Beth asked. “Weren’t you curious to find out who they are?”

“Of course I was. Especially when it got really bad at home. I remembered wishing that my biological parents would show up and save us from my dad.”

I took a deep breath, recalling the time when I tried to hide from my mom that I was looking for my biological parents. When she found out, she?

??d cried and said she would help me find them.

“My biological mom was an immigrant. I learned that she got pregnant with me just a few months after she arrived in Canada, but the man who got her pregnant left her. She died right after giving birth to me, and I was told she had no family.”

I wish I’d had a chance to meet her, the girl who had given birth to me. I was told she was very young when she died. She must have been terrified—alone and pregnant in a foreign country. She had never been real to me, but thinking about her made me feel sad.

“Wow. All the men in your life were spineless dicks. Caleb has a huge hole to fill.” Kara giggled. “God, someone needs to sanitize my mind, because now I’m thinking I just said something really, really dirty. Or am I just really drunk?”

“Too much, Kar. Too much.” I laughed, pouring more rum and Coke into my cup.

Still exhausted from last night, I leaned back against the couch, closed my eyes, and drifted into a light sleep. I woke up with a start when I heard Kara and Beth arguing and giggling drunkenly.

“Captain America is boring. Thor looks like he’s got a lot of…energy. I want all that yummy energy focused on me,” Kara said, wagging a chip at Beth.

“Shut the hell up!” Beth shot back. “Captain America is not boring. He’s sweet and good and responsible—”

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