Page 38 of Down With the King of the South (Down With the King of the South 1)

Hearing her say that had me crying. It had me crying because I felt like I was heartless in this situation. I was leading this woman, this mourning woman to believe that this was her grandchild, when it really wasn’t. She reached over and placed her hand on my shoulders in an attempt to calm me down.

“When I was pregnant with Vonte, I want to say that I cried about 80% of my pregnancy. It’s by the grace of God that I didn’t lose him. My grandma used to tell me that Vonte would feel everything that I feel, so keep that in mind. I know it’s hard, we all miss him, but you have to be strong for the baby,” she said, in a sweet, motherly way.

I could now see why Vonte loved her so much. She just seemed so genuine. One of the things that Vonte would always say about her was the fact that she was so selfless, and I was getting that from her today. How could she even console someone else when she was the one who needed all of the consolation? She was way stronger than I would ever be.

“You mind if I go into his bedroom? I just want to look around,” I asked.

“Go ahead. It’s upstairs, the first door on the right,” she said.

I’d never been inside Vonte’s room because the way he described the way that his mom would beat my ass and his ass if he were to ever get caught sneaking me in, it was just a risk that wasn’t worth taking to me. We Facetimed all the time, so I would see his room from that, but that was pretty much it. I took the stairs up, and then I walked inside his bedroom.

I found myself smiling as I stood in the middle of his bedroom looking at everything that he had hanging up on the walls. His JV jersey was stapled to the wall along with other pictures, plaques, and just about everything that involved basketball was hanging up on the wall. I walked over to his dresser, where he had pictures in frames. I smiled as I saw the picture of him and I. It was a picture that was taken last year after one of the games. We were at our happiest back then.

I found myself smiling even bigger when I saw that he had framed the ultrasound picture that I’d given to him. The picture that he and his mom had taken together at homecoming was hung up on the frame as well. They both looked happy. I could only wish for my child to love me in that same way that Vonte loved his mother. I walked away from the dresser and took a seat on his bed.

“You would have been eighteen today, Vonte. I wish you were here so that we would

be able to share our birthday together, just how we did it last year. I miss you so much. I just hope that when it’s all said and done, you will find a way to forgive me,” I spoke out loud.

With all the craziness going on, I woke up this morning, not even remembering that today was my birthday too. That was how I knew that Vonte and I were meant to be together. Out of all the days in the world, he and I had managed to share the same birthday. If it weren’t for my mom coming into my room this morning holding a small cake in her hands with the numbers 1 and 8 on the cake, I would have totally forgotten that today even had anything to do with me.

I stayed inside Vonte’s room for another ten minutes or so, and then I walked out. I made sure to close the door behind me before I made my way back down the stairs. Vonte’s mom was still in the kitchen, but she was no longer sitting at the table. In fact, she was wiping down the counter. I wasn’t a psychologist, but I think she had OCD. The counter was literally spotless when I’d walked in.

“Later today, me and a couple of Vonte’s family members were going over to the grave just to sing happy birthday and release some balloons. You’re welcome to join us if you’d like,” she said.

I shifted my weight from one leg to the other. Truthfully, I had plans tonight with Reggie. He was taking me out for my birthday. We were spending the weekend in West Palm Beach.

“I’m not ready to face that yet. I feel like that’s too much for me right now, you know?” I asked, and she nodded.

“I understand. Here, I wrote my number down on this paper, and you can feel free to call and text me whenever you please. I want to be involved in my grandchild’s life. If there’s room for me to attend some of the doctor’s appointments, I would love to be there. My son isn’t here to attend, so I don’t mind stepping up and filling in where I can. Vonte’s father went to prison when Vonte was only seven. Since then, I’ve been a single mother, and trust me, with a newborn baby, you’re going to need all the help that you can get. Just keep that in mind,” she said and handed me the paper that she’d written her number on.

I knew she would want to be involved because she was under the impression that I was going to be a single mother. If only she knew, I had a baby daddy who couldn’t wait for our child to get here so that he could spoil them senseless. I’d lied to her enough today, so I nodded, took the paper, and placed it inside my purse. I quickly left out, and I’m sure that she probably thought that I was crazy, but oh well.

Back inside my car, I felt defeated. This would have been so much easier if Vonte was still alive. Then, I would just have to live with him hating me for cheating and getting pregnant by someone else. Now, I had a mother who was mourning the death of her son and probably couldn’t wait to meet her new grandchild. How does one fix their mouth to say that this baby doesn’t belong to her son after all?

Jashae Johnson

We’d gotten back hours ago from the gravesite. I was okay today. I’ve been doing so much crying these past few weeks, that I guess I didn’t have any tears left. I thought today would be worse, but I got through it. We sang happy birthday to my son at his gravesite. No keys were being given to him to a brand new Mustang, which was the car that I’d promised I was going to get for him when he turned eighteen. No jumping up and down and picking me up while spinning me around, letting me know that I was the best mother in the world happened today, and sadly, I was okay with that.

I brought my son’s favorite cake, which was red velvet, and me, my grandma, my daddy, and Mahogany all gathered outside and ate together. Miami called me this morning and told me how much he wished that he could have been there, but he wouldn’t get back to Miami until late tonight since he was away on business and wouldn’t be able to make it. I completely understood.

Speaking of Miami, he’s been around, but I’ve been pushing him away the same way Mr. Ogilvie would push Ms. Parker away from the old hit show, The Parkers. I couldn’t have anything happen to Miami behind me. Yes, he was the king of the south, and he’d earned that title by the good deeds and the many doors that he’s opened for young boys in Miami, but that didn’t make him invincible.

I wouldn’t mind being down with the king of the South, but Trip’s stupid ass friends, from that stupid ass gang approaching us after the funeral was an eye-opener. That was basically God showing me the big ass red sign, telling me to stop and leave Miami alone, so I was going to do just that, no matter how much I liked him.

The chemistry between Miami and I was just there, and as lonely as I was, I could use him taking up some of the time that I had in my life, but I wouldn’t. Just from Trip finding out from his friends that Miami even hugged me, I got my ass dragged and thrown to the floor. If it weren’t for the correctional officers stopping him, he would have more than likely killed me. I didn’t want to test Trip like that.

When our son was here, he told me then that he would have someone take me out for dealing with Miami, and now that Vonte was gone, I knew that Trip would definitely have it done because he would have nothing to lose. Vonte was gone already.

I hadn’t talked to Trip since the day that I’d gone down to the prison. Seems like I’ve been less stressed since I haven’t been in any association with him. I didn’t have to worry about someone putting me down every chance he called or running my life the way he saw fit.

Right now, it was a little bit after midnight, and I was in the living room with a blanket wrapped around my body as I watched old recordings from a disc that I had with all types of footage of Vonte. Right now, his fifth birthday party was playing on the screen, and I found myself laughing, crying, and falling in love with my baby boy all over again because I’d literally birthed the most handsome baby in the world.

Mahogany had run out an hour ago, talking about she needed to get some things from the store, but I knew that her ass was somewhere chasing after Jabari. I didn’t mind her being gone because it left me to be able to sit here and have this moment to myself without someone worrying about me for crying. I’ll admit that I was sleepy as hell though. Nothing was in my system that was making me sleepy because after Mahogany had flushed my pills down the toilet, I never re-upped on them. That was definitely an eye-opener for me.

Although I wasn’t trying to kill myself, it was still reckless of me to have stayed in that tub, knowing that I’d previously popped pills, and knowing how tired I was. Since then, every now and then, I’d get a little quiet because I’ll think back to that day and ask myself a bunch of what if questions. Honestly, what if Mahogany didn’t bust down the door and pull me out just in time before I drowned? I would have died, and as much as I wanted to meet my mother and be around my son again, I still had so much to live for.

Because Mahogany couldn’t hold water, she ended up telling my grandmother what I’d done, and if my grandma could have taken off her belt and beat me, I’m pretty sure that she would have. God, she was so disappointed in me that day. My eyes felt so heavy, and I knew that I should have just gone ahead and turned the TV off so that I could go in my room and get in the bed, but I chose to stay out there. Just when my eyes were closing, my doorbell rang.

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