Page 86 of Lady and the Gamble (The Colby Brothers 2)

She shook her head. “No, he deserves a whole wife. A woman who can be a wife in the whole sense.”

Clive gave her a look of pity. “Are you sure it’s not Ryan you are trying to protect, but yourself instead?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you so frightened of being rejected that you won’t allow yourself the chance at happiness?”

She looked away, concealing the truth. “It’s for the best. He will be happier with the Lady Evelina then with this shattered Evelina.”

“Then I’m afraid he will have neither.”

Angry, she shot him a glance. “You just said you already gave him the boat. It is cruel for you to reclaim it. That boat is rightfully his, I won’t allow you to—”

“Calm down, Evelina. I didn’t repossess the boat or renege on my decision to give it to Ryan.” He told her. “As a matter of fact, he returned it. Gave it back saying he didn’t want it. Not if it didn’t come with you.”

“Oh.”

“Now if that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.”

Her breath caught in her throat as she locked glances with her father.

“Why don’t you ponder that thought? Decide whether you are willing to make the same sacrifice and take a gamble.”

A dry chuckle passed her lips. Hadn’t Ryan also used the same idiom?

“You get some sleep, Evelina. It’s been a trying day. You think it over and tell me in the morning if you’ve changed your mind.”

Which Evelina did, think on it that was, for she got no sleep. Ryan’s ultimatum sat heavily on her mind all night long. On top of that, her emotions were in a turmoil. She was both overjoyed and heartbroken at his return. She nearly lost him to the sea and swore if given the chance she would never let him go. Yet, it was what she must do. It would be selfish for her to succumb to her feelings toward Ryan. There was a part of her that desperately wanted to love him freely, but that could never be for as long as her secret remained, he was not hers to have.

Evelina knew what she must do. She just didn’t know if she had the courage to do it.

She owed Ryan the truth. But once he found out, his feelings for her could rightfully revert. Just not because of the secret itself, but because he would discover that she had been dishonest with him from the beginning. He had been angry enough when he realized her father had manipulated him practically into marrying her. She could only imagine how he felt when he discovered that she too had been dishonest with him.

Chapter 15

She woke the following morning with barely any sleep and nowhere near to having made a decision. However, she relied on the fact that if Ryan had been able to overcome the ploy her father used to try to ensnare him as a potential husband for Evelina, maybe too, he could come to forgive her for her deception. After all, she had a good reason. Even if it was completely selfish on her part. Therefore, there was only one real answer. She would have to let Ryan decide. Confess the truth. And let the chips fall where they may.

When she thought she lost him at sea, she would have given anything for another chance to see him. To hold him tight, to tell him she loved him. To risk getting hurt. Yet, when he returned home to her unharmed and alive, her idiotic fears reared their ugly head once again. It was time she tried to gain control of them and not allow them to rule her life. That said the decision, in the end, wasn’t hers to make. She would place all her chips on Ryan and see if her gamble was worth the risk. For one thing, she was certain of was she did not want to go through life without him. Even if it that meant waiting dockside impatiently for his safe return home on a daily basis. The very act that had turned her world completely upside down and caused so much sorrow and pain ever since. But, God-willing, if Ryan decided to take a chance on her once learning the truth, she would give him whatever he wanted.

She pulled back the covers and reached over to the little cabinet next to her bed that served as a night table. Opening the bottom drawer, she stared inside to its content. She knew she had no choice. She had to tell him. He had a right to know before marrying her. Reaching out, she removed it and began getting dressed.

An hour later, she emerged from her room and went down the hall to seek out her father. She found him in the sitting room amongst her sisters.

“Would you kindly deliver me to St. Paul’s?”

Clive’s face spread into a great big smile before leaping to his feet. “Absolutely.”

Her sisters all became excited and scrambled to their feet gushing about getting her a proper wedding attire. Evelina ignored them as she had serious misgivings that any wedding would actually transpire once Ryan discovered her secret.

“I’m so happy you’ve changed your mind.” Clive clutched her shoulders and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m so proud of you, Evie.”

She nodded slightly but refrained from rejoicing with her father. His happiness could very well be short-lived. She didn’t want to burst his bout of joy just yet by telling him she was going to tell Ryan the truth before the wedding. She was sure he would try to talk her out of it.

But she loved Ryan too much not to be honest with him. After all, had he not been fooled into this entire mess by deceit in the first place? She needed him to know the truth as the risk of losing him forever.

“Let me fetch your mother and a coach then we shall be off.” He left her standing alone in the sitting room with her troubled thoughts.

As the coach pulled up in front of the church, Evelina began to tremble horribly. She had never faced anything more frightening. It took all her willpower not to demand her father turn the coach back around and take her home again. She was far outside her comfort zone.

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